You think Jet Li kicks much ass?

He's a wussy.

You declare Jackie Chan is the master of the martial arts?

You're trapped in 1982.

You proclaim Sean William Scott the new action king?

I think I hear your mom calling, she wants to know if whether you want your birthday cake decorated with Picachu like last year, or with Tinky-Winky on it, like two years ago.

I hereby decree that the new king of delivering industrial-sized cans of whupass is Phanom Yeerum (aka Tony Jaa), the star of the Thai film Ong Bak (aka Mach). Because making grandious declarations is mighty fun. Don't believe me? Just look at this quote from the New York Times! Really, look at it.

Okay, so I have no idea what that quote from the Times actually says. It could say "Hey, have you seen that movie Shattered Glass? Maybe you could get off our asses and go pick on The New Republic a bit. That Stephen Glass sure is a whiny little bitch!"

But since they're using it to open their glorious Quicktime trailer, I'll assume it says something wonderful about this flick. The trailer certainly wets my whistle, go see for yourself. Fight Club-esque gatherings to cheer and throw coinage after the pounding of a human being? Check. Leaping over cars and running on top of the shoulders of a gang of baddies, all sans wires and tired CG? Check. Breaking glass, lots of mid-air flips and bone-crushing blows that make you cringe? Check. And of course, sliding under cars, jumping through various hoops and between panes of glass, and delivering kicks whilst his feet are aflame are all on the agenda.

On a side note, I once ordered Pad Thai from the local Thai joint that set my feet aflame. Word to the wise: don't be a big shot and try to impress somebody by ordering "spicy" at a Thai joint.

So, after watching the trailer, I pose this question to you:

How can you not question the existence of a higher power when DMX (whose actual name is Huffy) is widely known as an action hero but when you ask 99.9% of humanity if they dig Phanom Yeerum, they think you're talking about a Star Wars flick?

Drew can be found marinating on his couch at Drew's Blog-O-Rama.