Sabra Chartrand, in her "Patents" column in today's New York Times, brings news of Toyota's latest: a car that weeps when you're sad, glowers when you're mad, and smiles when you're glad.

No, I am not making this up.

Don't cry for me, BMW. (apologies to Madonna)

Here's the full story from the Times:
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An Automobile With Feelings

The expression "road rage" usually refers to infuriated drivers who lose control of their temper and lash out at other motorists.

But what if a car could also express anger, crouching low on its wheel base and glowering with red headlights like a lion about to pounce?

Four inventors working for Toyota in Japan have won a patent for a car that they say can help drivers communicate better by glaring angrily at another car cutting through traffic as well as appear to cry, laugh, wink, or just look around.

The inventors explain in the patent that they want drivers to have more than a one-note horn and on-off headlights to signal other drivers.

The horn sounds the same, they write, whether a driver is "asking for permission to cut in front and in showing gratitude for having been allowed to cut in front," so other people often do not know what the honking is about.

That was not good enough for the inventors - Kenji Mori, Naoto Kitagawa, Akihiro Inukai and Simon Humphries - who work for Toyota Jidosha Kabushiki Kaisha of Japan, which owns the United States patent issued last month.

In it they describe a car with an antenna that wags, an adjustable body height, headlights that vary in intensity, and hood slits and ornamentation designed to look like eyebrows, eyelids and tears, all of which could glow with colored lights to create moods and physical features.

The inventors believe these features on cars will make driving more entertaining.

In the patent they write that "as traffic grows heavier and vehicle use increases, vehicles having expression functions, such as crying and laughing, like people and other animals do, could create a joyful, organic atmosphere rather than the simple comings and goings of inorganic vehicles."

"Such emotive, organic vehicles could also lead occupants to have great affinity for their vehicles, and make the driving experience more comfortable," the inventors add.

The car comes with a computer and software system that detects road and vehicle conditions like steering angle, braking or speed.

Drivers or passengers can also enter information about their moods into the system. But it is the car that expresses an emotional reaction.

"The headlights, antenna and windshield and exterior panels can be regarded as the vehicle's eyes, tail and a body surface," the inventors write.

As a baseline, they describe a "sleeping" car as one with "the shutters, or eyes, closed, the antenna limp and the glass and exterior panel are a dark color and the vehicle height is lowered."

An "awake" car would have "open shutters, headlights fringed with complementary 'eyebrows,' an erect antenna and brighter glass and exterior panels."

Eyebrows and eyelids would be created by lights appearing above the headlights, and a "tear" would be displayed by another light installed below the headlights.