Scientists in China are stealing clouds. I think they're actually trying to steal water, but being scientists they tend to overlook the obvious methods of water snatching-- like backing a tanker truck up to a lake, or even arranging for a stream to take a sharp right turn. No, these brainiacs, which I call Puff Daddies, are using rockets to seed innocent puffy white clouds, causing them to collect moisture as they drift over some other guy's land, and then hoping the dark clouds deliver rain onto their province.

Cloud stealing is technically tricky, but it's also surrounded by cloudy ethical issues. The core debate centers on when, exactly, does a mere puff of wator vapor become a legitimate rain cloud? Is it when the stratosphere feels the first excited dampness form under the Sun's leering eye? Is it when the Wind's gentle caress twines vaporous wisps, rolling and roiling, until engorged, they strain at the lacey veil of air around them? Is it when the scientist's rocket, penetrating higher and higher into the creamy whiteness, finally releases its load of particles in a gushing explosion? Or is a rain cloud only a rain cloud when it has grown to maturity, sagging full and heavy, capable of spurting its precious liquid onto the upturned faces waiting expectantly on Mother Earth below?

This issue of cloud viability is important because land owners, known as the Stratocasters, have resorted to firing even more rockets into the seeded clouds to blow them to bits. The Puff Daddies claim it's morally and meteorologically wrong to destroy fetal rain clouds. In this Chinese Battle of the Firecrackers the real loser is the Troposphere, who's stuck somewhere in the middle.

The Stratocasters claim that an artificially inseminated cloud or any cloud created in a violent act of non-consent is not protected by the same laws that protect naturally occurring clouds. Furthermore, as the owners of the air space in which the clouds were formed, Stratocasters claim it is their right and a personal choice to destroy unwanted clouds. The Stratocasters are financed by the deep-pocketed owners of theme parks and beach resorts who would like nothing more than to guarantee their patrons good weather for a change.