The first bit of Dental Science I noticed upon entering was the chair. It looks as if it is intended to satisfy multiple markets-- probably also being used by the CIA for confession extraction and mental institutions for electro-shock therapy. It's got everything-- the restraints, the interrogation lamp, the mechanical arm for whirring drilling devices, and the tidy bowl to keep bodily juices off the floor.

The Hygenist strapped me firmly down in the chair before bringing out the real weaponry. Dentists have all the tiny murderous tools ever desired by miniature serial killers: ice picks, needles, curvey pliers, hammers, drills, chain saws, little axes, and chloroform. It kind of fits--isn't your dentist a slight oddball, not exactly in the medical mainstream and probably a little resentful about it--quirky and dangerous but not aggressive enough to do more than maim teeth, lips, and gums?

But is this primitively inflicted pain all Dental Science has to offer the toothed of Society? Couldn't they have made more progress in the last 100 years? I'd like to see one less space shuttle flight a year...instead put that money into researching ways to teflon-coat my teeth so I never get cavities. And if I do get a cavity, come up with some painless laser zapper thing to fix it. Zip-zap your tooth is back. The eye doctors are kicking butt with Laser Keratotomy, laser this and laser that. They can have you seeing 20-15 in 10 minutes. Meanwhile, it takes 10 minutes just for the dentist to show up once you've made it to the chair. And the first thing he says to you? "Hey, you've got a chicken wing in there!" Good call, killer.