Did I ever tell you guys about that time I "slept" with Paris Hilton? I didn't ??? Well then... Come on in, make yourselves comfortable. Wanna beer, a soda pop or something? What's that? Oh yeah, sure you can smoke inside of the house. No cigarettes though, heh heh heh.

As it's been a couple of years now, my recollection of this whole incident is as about as vague as the downtown L.A. skyline on a smoggy summer day, but I'll do my best to run this down to you.

Thanks to an inside tip from a friend of a friend of a guy who knew a trainer at the Del Mar Racetrack, I had managed to parlay a C-Note into a fat-ass bankroll. The nag I'd bet on to place came in at 27 to 1 odds paying $18.50. Fat City. I was hillbilly rich. The loot was gonna burn a hole in my pocket if I didn't do something with it but quick.

Due to a most unfortunate recent incident involving a couple of hookers, a stolen garbage truck and copius amounts of Beer, Rum and Mezcal I'd decided another Tijuana weekend was simply out of the question.

Praying my luck would hold, I decided to shoot up to Vegas for the weekend. As the scrub hills of So. California gave way to the shimmering heat of the Mojave, I put my foot to the pedal and drove like a man possessed. Stopping only once in Baker, CA. to get gas and to admire the World's Largest Thermometer, I was at Caesars Palace before you could say seven come eleven.

I flipped the kid at Valet parking a $20 (hey fuck it, I was on a roll) and went on inside to get my room key. After a hot shower, cold shower and a straight razor shave I was feeling something like human again.

I decided to smoke a joint and lay out my battle plans for the evening while the Oxycontin I had just taken kicked in. Finally, feeling Vegas cool, I made my way through the throngs of zombie like midwestern tourists greedily and pathetically clutching plastic buckets of chump change and found a quiet lounge just off of the main casino. A couple of drinks, some dinner and then on to the craps tables was my plan. I say "was" because this was soon to change.