Thousands gathered in Washington today to cheer, clap, laugh, other festivities, as congress issued the long-rumoured statement which finally settles the age old argument.

Swearing, is it big and clever?

Yes, says congress. You bet your f**king a** it is.

Senator Ronald Powell read from several long-censored manuscripts, now declassified and preparing to be issued to 700 educational establishments before the end of the month.

Candles were held aloft in broad daylight, as the final act of Romeo And Juliet was read by a visibly emotional Powell.

"Juliet, because I love you so f**king much, what I'm gonna do right now is drink this here s**t and probably drop like a motherf**king fly, is what."

Also, scholars relished the chance to hear long-thought-lost excerpts from Shakespeare's original draft of Hamlet.

"What the f**k? She's your f**king mom, man, you sick motherf**ker!"

Of course, where one to jump in a machine of some kind what might travel through time and so on, one would be surprised to find that these versions of the classic plays were performed as recently as 1799. Critical journals of the time reveal devastating attacks on Shakespeare's limited vocabulary, which he responded to in kind by inventing over 1'700 words for future use in his plays and also "the language".

Some individuals, however, find this development to be far from joyous, and in fact, find it quite unfortunate.

Roland Jeffers of The National Union Of The Asterisk had this to say;

"The asterisk has been used in popular culture for as long as the printing press have been in service. If these words are no longer censored, shamed, pointed at derisively, then all that's left for us to do is to find work in government documents, which as you know, is a fairly limited area."

Whilst we may shed a tear for these soon to be obsolete fragments of our grammar, we can at least wipe the tears away with the handkerchief of glee. Thousands of citizens, so long reviled and puked upon by society, have finally been granted the right to say "I am a swearer, and I don't give a f**k what y'all think, b***h."

For the first time since 1956, swearwords have been added to the pledge of allegiance. Across the country this week, schoolchildren will stand before the flag and, with hand placed diligently on heart, proclaim; "God bless America. I f**king love this motherf**king country, is what."

But what does the future hold for swearing? Tourettes sufferers, for example, have been forced to adjust their vocabulary in advance of today's announcement. Many have chosen to holler the names of athletes shamed by drugs tests. Others announce their love of Ricky Martin.

It's a great day for democracy, but also a great day for people who say f**k, s**t, c**t-face and so on. Think of them when you listen to the words of the poets long censored, and think, "What price was paid in gut-riddled flesh that I might hear the songs about 'suck my motherf**king c**k'?"

Roughly 400 million dollars, is exactly how much.

The Duke resides at Mondo Irlando

Contact The Duke Via Electronical Email