Why can we not discuss 'off label' use of narcotics? Every year, we find out more about certain drugs. That they work for something other than what they were developed, or initially thought to relieve. Like dandelions in springtime, articles about these additional benefits crop up everywhere - appearing in journals like Lancet and JAMA and all over the Web.

Doctors are thrilled to discover these new uses. In hospitals all over the country, pens are poised over prescription pads with doctors eager to try out these new benefits on any patient who is willing, or any patient who doesn't know the difference and just takes what s/he is given. That narcotics and opiates have effects other than as analgesic is no secret. Doctors have known this for years. So have writers, artists, actors, housewives and executives, competent parents. I have, among my friends, at least two who take narcotic agents every day for 'legitimate' use but have also admitted to me, but never to their doctor, that they have noticed other benefits as well.

None have ever said, "Hey wow, let's drop some Percocet and get high," because it doesn't work like that. As I've said, they all report what I myself have experienced: a sense of well-being and an anti-anxiety as well as anti-depressant quality. They tell me in hushed tones about these things, as if they were shameful secrets, and at various points, each of them has questioned their use of these drugs and wondered or worried whether or not they were losing it. None of them have 'lost it.'

To hell with the stigma and the the dirty little secret, that we all know anyway, which is that there are other benefits to painkillers - side effects that are desirable. I stand by my henchmen as they stand me; like the guys in the old neighborhood where I lived for years, they look out for me. They're discreet, hang-back, no need to advertise. But mess with me and they'll be there. They've helped me take back the neighborhood of my body, keep me safe from pain thugs, and just knowing that these hit men are around makes me feel safe. Screw with them and they'll screw with you - every idiot knows that, or should. A lesson those who abuse these drugs should, or will, learn. In the meanwhile, treat them with respect and you'll get that back. Their loyalty, their always-on-the-job-take-no-prisoners attitude to any pain that screws with me. That I like them for this - even love them - this is my dirty little secret. One for which I should be ashamed ... but I'm too tired for that now, too experienced. Dare to be unpopular, dare to utter the truth and you will be judged. I will be judged. But, honestly, at this point, what judgment hasn't been passed.