The Duke Presents The 13 Best Horror Films Of All Ever

Written by Duke De Mondo
Published June 07, 2004
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We go back in time, about twenty minutes or so, and we see two lads by the name of Marcus and Pierre entering a gay nightclub called The Rectum, looking for an individual by the name of Le Tenia. They seem less than happy about it all.

I'm guessing they don't want to offer this Le Tenia a carton of duty-free cigarettes, or maybe see if he wants to go see a film, maybe one about a man fucks his daughter.

Piere is trying to hold Marcus back. It seems this fella what they are looking for raped Marcus' girlfriend a little while ago, and Marcus is understandably upset.

They enter the club, and we follow them, the camera spinning wildly, the soundtrack resting on a maddening bass rumble utilized in "real-life" by French Police to break up riots. We feel nauseas.

The two chaps find someone who they presume to be Le Tenia, but if one can stomach a repeat-viewing, one can note that it is in fact not Le Tenia at all.

Marcus gets his arm broken in the ensuing fisticuffs. Piere, who all the while has been trying to persuade his friend to leave, to report the attack to the police instead, he lifts a fire-extinguisher and smashes it into the face of the fella who isn't Le Tenia. The victim falls, stunned. He looks up, dazed. Another thump to the face. His nose breaks. The camera is unflinching. He looks to the side, towards us, the crowd cheering this act of utter brutality. Another thump, this time his skull crushes at the front. Another.

By the end, the fella on the floor looks identical to those photos of corpses you can find on certain websites, or in those "men's lifestyle" magazines from time to time. His skull is crushed at the side. There is hardly any blood.

The rumble of the soundtrack, the red lights on screen, the spinning camera, the utterly fucking sickening act of mob-endorsed aggression, it caused The Duke to stand up on first viewing and, with shaking legs, turn the damn thing off.

I have never, before nor since, experienced anything remotely similar to that first viewing of Irreversible.

This is why Noe's flick is on this list of The Best 13 Horror Films Of All Ever. It attacks the viewer like no other work of cinematic fiction. It is an utter assault, and its exhilaratingly brilliant. It causes the blood to rush like probably no other filmic affair you'll ever encounter.

And that's before the 9-minute anal rape and subsequent beating of Monica Bellucci.

Irreversible plays backwards, like Memento, and via this gimmick it manages to reveal similar atrocity-and-revenge films for the despicable toss that they are. We are not granted any sense of relief, of vindication by the killing of the rapist, since for one thing, it turns out to be the wrong fucking man, and secondly, we don't even really know if there has been a rape when that fire-extinguisher caper unfolds. It tells us, in the visceral grammar of the exploitation film, that revenge is a fruitless, pointless endeavor, and it reveals to us the crushing horror of rape in a way which glossy, TV-Movie type affairs never have nor will.

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The Duke (Aaron McMullan to his parents and the clergy) is a Northern Irish writer, performer and insomniac currently residing in London. He is the creator of Mondo Irlando, wherein his scribblings and hollerings can be found. He is currently working towards the completion of his first novel, and his debut "punk / country / folk / whatever" album has recently been released by Ex Libris Records . You can also pop by His MySpace Page and maybe have a coffee and a biscuit.
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The Duke Presents The 13 Best Horror Films Of All Ever
Published: June 07, 2004
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Section: Video
Filed Under: Video: Art House, Video: Classics, Video: Documentary, Video: Fantasy, Video: Horror, Video: Suspense and Mystery
Writer: Duke De Mondo
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Comments

#1 — June 7, 2004 @ 06:23AM — jadester [URL]

i'm afraid i disagree with Dream Warriors being there. That film is laughable, and there's plenty that's better

#2 — June 7, 2004 @ 09:09AM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Jadester, thats great! Lists are made for to be debated and yelled at and what not. Personally, i think its filled with amazing imagery. That bit with the fella being used like a puppet, thats fantastic. The first film was much darker in tone, but Dream Warriors is jut bursting with invention, some of which, granted, may seem a bit daft, but the whole surreal feel of the thing carries it through i think.
Thanks!

#3 — June 7, 2004 @ 14:11PM — Toby

I have to agree with Jadester on this one. Although after reading your justification for Dream Warriors to be included, I see where you're coming from, I just think it's a pretty substandard film (mind you, I'm not the person to talk about slasher films - with the exception of the first Halloween, I watch slashers only by chance when they're on the tv).
But on the upside, your list did what we all hope a list will do; rather than confirm existing favorites, will lead me to new films and a lot of these look pretty good (I see no link to buy witchfinder or Ghostwatch)
My list would have to include Shining, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (that film just gets better and better every time you watch it), Jaws....honourable mention would go to (I fear with what I'm about to say I may be barred from all serious conversations for the rest of my life): Deep Blue Sea as a textbook case on how to make an effective shocker out of a not very good script.
Further honourable mentions would go to Prince of Darkness and The Thing

#4 — June 7, 2004 @ 14:23PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Toby, i would have loved nothing more than to include links to Withcfinder General and Ghostwatch, but, alas, they are available only on region 2, and since Amazon.com doesn't keep such fare, my hands were tied.
You can pick them up at www.amazon.co.uk though, although i'm not sure what they're shipping etc costs.

Great honourable mentions there, and whilst i wouldn't personally say Deep Blue Sea was a shocker of any sort, i did enjoy it tremendously. It was a hell of a lot of fun, is what.
I really should have had The Thing on this list, and The Fly too, but look out for them in The Duke's no-doubt forthcoming Best Remakes Of All Ever.

The Dream Warriors controversy rages on.

#5 — June 7, 2004 @ 14:52PM — jadester [URL]

i agree that this list will guide me to try new films. I haven't seen most of the ones you mention (altho i have heard of them), and seeing no-nonsense synopses without having to find the dvds themselves in some huge highstreet store is good. Also i know you're for real, and i share at least some of your taste in films, so that's a good indication for me =+)

#6 — June 7, 2004 @ 14:55PM — Toby

In defense of Deep Blue Sea: I sat in that cinema and I remember at points the tension was almost too much (I particularly remember the scene where the woman returns to pick up something and there's a great scene as she delicately descends the steps in to the water, and the camera remains focused on her feet, moving from the air to under the water as she walks down.) - I don't know if this commentary has just outed me as a big pussy terrified of computer generated sharks, but such is the luck of the internet.
Further honourable mentions: Don't Look Now, and another great ending would be Wicker Man. And aside from Fly, is there no Cronenburg here? I can't think of which one it should be..videdrome is good, but shouldn't break top 15.

#7 — June 7, 2004 @ 15:08PM — Toby

further evidence I'm a pussy. I've heard great things about Cannibal Holocaust and Irreversible, but will not see either one. Somehow my stomach has got a little more squeamish as I've grown older until now at 28 the prospect of outright gore and excessive violence puts me off

#8 — June 7, 2004 @ 20:25PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Toby, Dont Look Now never really did much for me, to be honest. The Wicker Man, however, is amazing, and debated wether it or Witchfinderr General should be on here. In the end i opted for Price.
Also, nothing "pussy"-like about not wanting to see Cannibal Holocaust or Irreversible (and i don't mean that in a patronising way either). Neither one is suitable for anyone to just throw on. Both are seriously disturbing, and it took a long time to shake some of the imagery from mine skull.

#9 — June 9, 2004 @ 19:20PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Toby - i've put Ghostwatch, witchfinder general and anything else that isn't available through amazon.com on my own site at The Duke's Store so if you click on the links you can see how postage and so on works out. Anything else will be on blogcritics, but stuff thats not available for to link here, i'll put on my own site. Thanks folks. plug over.

#10 — June 9, 2004 @ 19:28PM — Jim Carruthers [URL]

I scrolled through this so fast it flung me back to the home page, how bad is that?

Anyways, I didn't really read this, though, I will give a big stripy hair shout out to "Bride of Frankenstein"

But I am watching what could be the best kung fu movie ever starring Jewish chix from New Jersey.

So just grasp your own bad self firmly.

#11 — June 9, 2004 @ 19:39PM — Jim Carruthers [URL]

After having read the list, it is missing the one movie which really, in my adult life, scared the beejebus out of me: "The Rapture". Made by the same dude who made other apocalyptic movies, this bit of stuff, which isn't available to the public, which is how fucking scary it is, just gave me nightmares for weeks.

Great soundtrack, lots of hot Mimi Rogers, and the end of the world.

Gives "The Prophesy" a run for it's money, tackles it, and yanks up its underpants for Damien to laugh at.


#12 — June 9, 2004 @ 19:51PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Jim, i've been wanting to see that flick you mention for ages!

I just can't get enough of the old Christian paranoia.

#13 — October 24, 2005 @ 15:26PM — Ashok K. Banker [URL]

Don't mind if I chip in with what seems to be the 13th comment here! Great list. Terrifically written too--I like the way you just put it out there, man. I even agree with some of your choices...only some of them though. What I like is the up-front way you just go-get your point across. Gimme more 13 Best Lists.

Your 13th Commentor.

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