China to Britney: Come Dressed
Published June 05, 2004
Sensing an epidemic of nudity, promiscuity and inevitable pregnancies in a country accused of aborting female fetuses, the Chinese government has made it clear to Britney Spears: either she wears clothes or stays home. Spears, 22, is scheduled for five shows in Beijing and Shang Hai sometime next year.
Chinese officials, who are worried that Chinese girls will get breast enhancements and nipple piercings, want to nip it in the bud, so to speak. Britney, a nice Louisiana girl, isn't much without her clothes on, but fully dressed she's much less.
In the case of China, however, where The Apologist is banned, Ms. Spears represents a formidable force, known as sex. Should sex be discovered in China, it could actually start a revolution similar to the one Hugh Hefner started in America in the sixties.
The Chinese should welcome the revolution with open legs.
Once the small-breasted Chinese woman get a load of Britney's bodacious American rack, it's over, baby. They'll be on the their way to Hong Kong where, it is predicted here, doctors will perform an extreme makeover on the techniques of breast enhancement using live tissue from living donors — women whose breasts are too big.
Smart people those Chinese, except for one thing: they'll never read this post so they'll never get that idea.
Ha!
Britney, go to China, girl, as Nixon before you, fully dressed and hunched over. But don't rule out a costume malfunction.
Revolution is in your hands.
- China to Britney: Come Dressed
- Published: June 05, 2004
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- Section: Culture
- Writer: CW Fisher
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Comments on this articleComments
Fisher, this is a dangerous place to do satire.
And unlike *me, resist the impulse to explain yourself.
*racist AND stupid
(Scratching head.) Did Richard Nixon show a genital other than his nose in China?
I could be wrong, but I think when you have a population problem the last thing you need to worry about is discovering about sex. I think they need to discover birth control or start exporting people to less populated areas.
Historically, the Chinese did have a concubine system and engaged in white slavery trade all over Asia. In the 1930-40s Shanghai and, more recently, Hong Kong and Singapore, are hot spots for prostitution so I don't think promiscuity is anything new either.
Are there really statistical information on the average breast measurements of each race and nationality to go with penis size measurements? Gee, such things make me want to wear a chador.
As for piercings, they already do them in Hong Kong which is now part of Mainland China. At least navel piercings so I'm guessing if you look long enough, you can probably find nipple piercing, too.
So not very funny. Not very well researched. And yes, if my friends are looking around, some Chinese can actually read English and may make it to this Web site.
Respect for the dress codes of other countries should be considered a good thing. It keeps people from seeming like the stereotypical ugly American.
Diva, I have never seen the word "genital." Congratulations!! Genital. "Did Richard Nixon show a genital other than his nose in China?"
Why is it always plural? I could see the reason in a man, maybe, sorta, but not a woman. Why plural?
It's possible you've fallen on a way out of jail for the flasher, who can now say it is not illegal to expose a genital.
Dear Tigress, I hear you roar, but many of my best friends are Chinese including Chinese blog readers who live in China, and even they, with their limited understanding of English and tiny little breasts know not to waste too much time typing back at me because they realize I am uncorrectable. While your information on China is probably more accurate than mine, please understand that I'm trying to be funny here. As my muse Ms. Mac-o-Ron-i Diva once pointed out to an angry Al Barger, "Curt writes humor." Blogs don't come with laugh tracks (yet) but dirtgrain could fix that with a click.
On a less serious note, I honestly believe there's a great danger in having too many serious writers in one place, all typing at the same time as if to prove some adage about monkeys. What addage? Pick one. How about: Paul was to Beatle songs what the Monkees were to the Monkee songs?
You see? Not funny, not accurate, not clear, but maybe, just maybe, an almost imperceptible sniff might snaff from a nostril which could be construed as an lol, benefitted by doubt, perhaps, but what the heck, it's three letters.
Make your humor writer feel good. Type LOL even if it's a LIE. I don't mind.
As to the guy that called me a racist, LOL!!!
Well, Richard Nixon had only one nose. But, considering the length of the organ, I will alter my designation. From henceforth we will refer to Nixon's nose, and all other sexual parts of the body, in the plural. Ergo, Did Richard Nixon show genitals other than his nose in China?
NO!!!! Diva, what are you DOING???
You had it and you wrecked it. I wasn't correcting you! Corrections onbly destroy an otherwise living language. This is why Ebonics is the ONLY creative force purposely pushing the envelope. If I could study Ebonics, I would, but that would wreck it.
To call a nose a genital, is double funny because "nose" already sounds plural.
Okay, not so funny, but please don't "stand corrected." My god, woman, take your hair down. Lift your shirt up once in awhile. I am!
: )
Here. Here's some bad verse for you. I gave some to dirtgrain a minute ago. I'm sharing today.
Diva no madonna she shanana holy jesu mas frijole que bendejo
y qua b her middle name
britney you are my role modle.
my friends say i look and dance just like you.i live in missouri.
my number is 258 5111 piease call me
Mike, you are not Britney Spears. You are the third Olsen twin. But thanks for the phone number. Is that area code 555?
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what a terribly racist post. especially the assumption that the chinese will never read this post.