Jilted Lovers! Possessed Youngsters! Scary Paintings! Also, some phones.

Being a fan of the Asian Horror, The Duke has pretty much accepted the fact that he will probably end up being killed by a haunted iPod or some such.

I'm guessing there was probably some local girl who was maybe a psychic or similarly eccentric, and she was probably killed by either or both of her parents, possibly whilst listening to Ricky Martin or Anal Cunt or whatever you hip young folks listen to nowadays. She probably gets sucked into the chord-changes just before the middle 8, and is forever trapped within B flat and A, passing on her horrible curse of vengeance when anyone listens to said recording at a certain time of the year, or a certain day, probably the anniversary of her death / murder / being thrown in a well.

And then The Duke downloads the latest Pissing Razors or something, and thinks, "Hey, that'd go great on my iPod, just next to that selection of spooky ambient noises." Next thing you know there's a soggy woman crawling out of the 4-inch screen. I think. Kinda hard to tell in this light.

File-Sharing is killing musicians, you pirate motherfuckers.

Anyway, if any of you Asian Horror Filmmakers are reading, I'd be happy to hear your bids for my tale, which I call something along the lines of IPOD or possibly The iPod What Killed The Duke To Death, On Account Of Curses And Such.

The reason for this pontificating and pondering and so on, is that I have just watched a piece of the filmed horror from Asia what goes by the name of Phone. It seems that, not content with ensuring we never again go anywhere the fuck near spam emails or unmarked videocassettes or womenfolk, those cats want to freak us asunder at the very thought of the text messages, too.

What Phone is concerned with, is a woman is in a lift screaming a lot. Then she gets a text message, something along the lines of "I h8 u, u 6y b8ch" or something, a derogatory remark of some kind I'm guessing. What this instigates is a spot of the old flickering-lights and then the lift stops and then the woman screams a while longer. I think the credits come on after this bit. Also, she dies, too.

Following this prologue what has to do with the elevator txt massacre, we meet a young reporter by the name of Ji-Won, who is receiving weird phone calls, the kind where folks say "oooh, you look scared" and so on, and then she closes the curtains cause whoever it is is probably right outside the window, looking in, making notes so as he can be ever more specific in his descriptions. Also, she gets weird images on her computer, kind of snuff-type affairs, with women being stabbed and then they bleed some.