Love & Lust on Film: Scarface, Bridget Jones and Lessons Learned
Published May 27, 2004
It's simple: I think the origins of what I call fettered woman syndrome began as good and healthy desire of women to want control over their own destinies and lives, to have the same rights as men, to be separate and recognized and vindicated, and for a time, we were. Women were getting jobs that were previously held by men, finally speaking their minds, dropping the silly charade of the virginal and pure bride and the idea that only men can enjoy sex. We were working and talking and marching and fucking in and out of wedlock, and had casual sex if we felt like it without any of the pointless guilt and shame that we had been told we should feel. We shook off our chains. It was like we finally admitted that all that thrusting and grinding and sucking didn't make us any less lady-like. It made us human.
I'm not advocating irresponsible sex or "zipless fucks" or something you truly don't want to do; what I question is all this effort that goes into making yourself desirable and then shutting the door on desire because you're waiting for Prince Charming. I don't think great love can be assessed in two dates, or that just because a guy is a carpenter and not a lawyer, that this should immediately cross him off the list. The carpenter just might be the guy who treats you better, who'll be there for you; I don't know, but the point is that by being so rigid, you miss out on a lot of opportunity.
There's just a creepy self-control thing going on here - like a bulimic who eats and pukes - these are girls with giant blue vibrators tucked away in their Pier I night-tables, passing up the real thing just because it may not last forever. Just because they may get hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, which is all possible or even probable, since 50% of marriages end in divorce, but you never know which it would be if you don't get out there and live it.
Listen: I hate that in my life I have been really hurt when I trusted a guy; that I was passed over by my great love for some Talbots-wearing-academic-bore. That it seemed unfair that I was the pretty girl and she was some grey-haired Boomer who was older than I; that got my heart broken because for a moment, she seemed more placating and sympathetic; I hate that the whole thing left me bitter and shrill and bereft and listening to way too much Alanis Morissette, who I now admire for having the courage to practically scream exactly what I was feeling at that time, word for word. She may our Carole King and god bless her for having the chutzpah to scream all the awful things we've all felt - or any of us who have lived a little.
- Love & Lust on Film: Scarface, Bridget Jones and Lessons Learned
- Published: May 27, 2004
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- Section: Video
- Writer: Sadi Ranson-Polizzotti
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----these are girls with giant blue vibrators tucked away in their Pier I night-tables----
Sadi, I did not want to know this!!!!
Nice work, and interesting to see things in your perspective - though you use the word "fuck" more than Tony Montana!....;-)
apologies for language, and i think you're right ... i hadn't realized it was so full of bad language. i promise to be better next time!
thanks all for reading... hope you found it interesting... very gratifying to know it's being read...
of course, it's just my opinion... and grateful for all feedback.
sadi
ahhh...i see the typos and i am so sorry. so now with the language and the typos, i hope i haven't totally lost anyone... though maybe for other reasons. I will be more careful in the future. thx. to all for reading... and please keep posting comments if the spirit moves you. i plan to write every week... so now Onward to next topic !~ Thx for being such a receptive audience; your comments mean everything.
sadi
S, if there are typos (I fixed a couple) please fell free to go back in and edit. I reedit my own posts all the time. That's why they are perfect.
Sade
I thought your colorful use of language was totally refreshing (you write in the way I talk)- and suited the topic perfectly!
I really enjoyed the article and your style. Bravo!
awww, shucks. glad to hear it, Anthony! Working on other stuff, so you'll have to check that out too... if the spirit moves ya. ;)
keep cool
sade
Sadie, just because you've had a few bad experiences in life doesn't mean true love doesn't exist..and NO I do not believe "the virginal bride" is a "silly charade." Love is hard though no doubt.
"true love" requires as much or more work than false love
Sadi sez: "...I feel most beautiful when I am alone in my garden, wearing that slightly see-through slip that I love and my Doc Marten gardening boots and no underwear and no make up and my high-lights have grown out and I'm covered in freckles and my breasts are loose in my shift and I feel full and ripe and full of life and that the world is mine for the taking."
Whoa.
Sadi, coupla things:
* got jpgs?
* Universal Law #33: ALL men are either gay or insensitive pricks; there are no exceptions.
* ie. You shoulda been a lesbian; women are great!
* "Masturbation: Sex with someone I love!" -- Woody Allen
* I've never been one to define myself relative to others' expectations, but man, thanks to age and wisdom, all that crap means even less. God rewards the patient survivors with enlightenment coupled with flaccidity.
* got jpgs?
hey Shark: excellent points all, and jpegs exist, but alas not for sharing.... ;)
the older i get, the more i wonder about this "true love" business. Yes, Eric is right; if it does exist (my issue), then it requires as much or more love than false love, no question. But i wonder how we define true love anyhow? One may know what is true for onesself, but what of the other and how they feel? How do you know whether or not their love is true?
Yes, without a doubt, i should have been and almost was a lesbian, and odd you mention since i was just saying this to my friend P. today, who was agreeing with me. I was deeply in love with a woman who is a lesbian many years ago, and we were and are good and dear friends but things did not progress for myriad reasons - too complicated to get into here, and i think though, to the point, much to the regret of both of us likely. It's too bad. Things would have been totally different for me and for her too, no doubt. Life would be nothing like what it is today.
Shark says All men are either gay or insensitive pricks, which i hate to believe, but experience is showing me that this may have more truth than initially believed and i do not WANT to believe that, so am happy to be proven wrong at any time. Please... show me that this is NOT the case.
That's all i have to say. Shark, my dear friend, i would send you jpegs, but we're not that close, are we, so how can i do that? sorry sweets...
love to all,
sade
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Whoa, that's something Sadi, thanks and welcome! Never has gardening sounded so appealing.