After Steven Sommers' success with The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, it was a no-brainer for Universal to turn its back-catalogue of classic monsters over to the writer/director for Van Helsing. Unfortunately, the movie fails on so many levels that it calls into question the entire future of every one of these franchises.

Hugh Jackman stars in the title role as the famed vigilante, an almost entirely thankless part devoid of any motivation, depth, or emotion. While Van Helsing's amnesia is meant to lend an air of mystery to the character, it really only serves as an out for Sommers not to have to develop any back story. Even as a tool of suspense, the question of Van Helsing's history falls flat due to the lack of any meaningful revelation in the third act. Jackman does the best with the material he's given, but there's so little to work with, his performance falls completely flat. For much of the movie, Jackman appears to be wondering along with the audience exactly what the hell is going on.

Supporting performances by Kate Beckinsale as the requisite love interest and David Wenham as the bumbling sidekick are only marginally more enjoyable simply because they are allowed at least a bit of emotion and humor. After the vampire vs. werewolf eye candy of Underworld, Beckinsale was well on her way to becoming a favorite for this sort of genre film, and her role as Anna Valerious, the last surviving member of a family of vampire hunters, should cement her status as the latest fan boy obsession. Wenham seems to exist in the film only to provide convenient solutions for Van Helsing to escape one impossible situation after the next.

Richard Roxburgh's performance counts as among the worst-ever portrayals of Count Vladislaus Dracula ever to grace the screen. When compared with Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, or even Gary Oldman, Roxburgh's Dracula is an almost campy imitation.

The plot, such as it is, exists really only to provide a showcase for as many classic monsters as possible: Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde all make appearances. The artistic license that Sommers takes with the history of these characters may have sounded good in theory, but in execution it comes across as contrived and false, seemingly derived from the minds of pre-teen boys ("Who would win if Dracula fought the Wolfman?") The action flows from one set piece to the next without regard for continuity or logic.

Technically, the film is a mess. The camera never stops moving, and some of the more extreme digitally-enhanced shots may actually induce nausea. The editing is so frantic and haphazard that even more simple scenes devolve into a mess of seemingly unrelated shots.

A film like this should be an effects showcase, but the CGI was both obvious and jarring. Rather than blend seamlessly with the actors and sets, the computer generated elements are immediately identifiable as such. Some of these effects may have been impressive five or six years ago, but today they just seem half-baked and sloppy.

Ultimately, there's little to recommend Van Helsing, even to the most die hard fans of classic monster movies. An opening black-and-white prologue that re-imagines the final scenes of Frankenstein is more entertaining than the two hours that follow. Jackman and Beckinsale are both nice to look at, but they can't save this complete and utter disaster of a film.