I'm not a racist, and I can prove it: I just voted for Al Sharpton for President of the United Frickin' States. Note that I have voted in previous elections for Jesse Jackson and Pat Robertson. I just like voting for men of the cloth.

Tuesday May 4th was primary election day here in Indiana. I have been waiting for this opportunity for a year.

After waiting this long, the fact that he wasn't actually on the ballot was not going to stop me. I jumped through the hoops to actually cast a write-in ballot for Rev Sharpton in the Democratic primary.

Now, some might think that I did this (and recruited my father to do likewise) just for the purpose of sticking him up in the Democrats and breaking him off. Granted, after the ridiculous race baiting that this party and their co-horts at wholly owned party subsidiaries such as the National Association for the Advancement of (Liberal) Colored People have conjured up, they all richly deserve to be toyed with. Don't think I'm going to forget those nasty James Byrd ads run on black radio in 2000.

Still, you have to agree that my vote constitutes strong evidence that I am a progressive individual. After all, I obviously wouldn't vote for such an utterly unqualified person if I were not DEEPLY committed to civil rights.

I know that his campaign is lagging behind, but perhaps it can still work out. Even some party stalwarts are now getting anxious about a Kerry candidacy. That dude is a total dud. How are we supposed to stand hearing his voice for the next six months, let alone possibly four years as president? Ain't gonna happen. If there's an Anybody But Kerry move, Sharpton could step in.

Rev. Sharpton just needs a good gimmick to leverage him some publicity. Rand knows he's good at that. He needs something to remind people of his credentials, and why he would be uniquely suited.

Here's the last-chance pitch then: Sharpton needs to get some young black girls to write "Sharpton for President" on their stomachs in feces and hang out in front of the polling places. It would be sort of a Tawana Brawley sandwich board brigade.