http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005-2007 by the authors Sat, 17 May 2008 16:05:47 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-718797 And I also believe that it's totally ok to actually leave someone. Sometimes people actually change inte different persons over the years (!) and you may not be right for each other. I think it's much better to leave someone than to keep living in something that just isn't right for one partner (which means it's really not right for the other partner either) 718797@blogcritics.org Sat, 17 May 2008 16:05:47 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-718794 I totally agree with Mary (comment #63). Both parts of a marriage should take care of each other and not put the burden on only one part. That's what makes relationships and marriages work. It's really the one sided-ness of things that I don't like about people like Laura Schlessinger. What she says applies to both sexes, not just the women. The specific arguments are perhaps different for the two sexes (generally speaking) but the bottom line is that either part need to care for the other. 718794@blogcritics.org Sat, 17 May 2008 15:54:21 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-707025 you are not responsible for the actions of your spouse... you cannot control the actions of your spouse either... part of having a harmonious marriage involves taking responsibility for your own actions and setting an example, behaving toward your spouse the way you want your spouse to behave toward you, doing what you believe is right and hoping they follow suit. wives are not slaves nor maids, and neither are men, but marriage should be a partnership, you shouldn't compete with one another, you shouldn't compare, and you shouldn't rack up lists of all the things you've done and they haven't. you should embrace your differences, accept them, work around them, make them work for you -- instead of nagging and criticizing and holding back intimacy just because you're angry. if we were meant to marry someone exactly like us in nature, there wouldn't be such a stink about gay marriage. men and women are different for a reason but it's not so that one can serve the other without respect. 707025@blogcritics.org Thu, 3 Apr 2008 16:49:20 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-704327 Men and women should love and care for eachother, the title of the book should be proper care and feeding of a spouse. By human nature, we want to be thought of as needed, loved and cared for. Two people marry because they are in it to win it, they're a team and as a team they should cheer eachother on. 704327@blogcritics.org Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:22:42 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-702936 If there are any women out there who agree with most of this book apart from the sex bit then would you like to go for a date it would help if you lived n the sw london area seen as im the boss.....lol..... Seriously though blog #60 is bang on and i totally agree with you Cindy. Cheers Frank 702936@blogcritics.org Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:12:01 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-699788 when you are taking care of your husband, you are taking care of both of you. 699788@blogcritics.org Tue, 4 Mar 2008 21:46:39 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-689666 I must say that after reading the majority of these comments I am saddened by the fact that so many people have lost sight of the purpose of marriage. The two shall become one. There are so many opportunities in our life to be independent and I believe that whole-heartedly but when you enter marriage you have decided (both of you) to love honor and respect the other. EQUAL partnership different roles. Take pride in your role and create a balance that works for your family. 689666@blogcritics.org Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:17:28 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-687635 In response to Dee Dee, I believe that Dr. Laura has mentioned a few times (in this book in fact) that there are exceptions to these rules. Some men are just plain bad eggs, and cannot be dealt with. I have not listened to her show recently, but to think that she would say a woman would provoke violence from a man (especially in circumstances similar to your own, with substance abuse) is rather...outrageous, frankly. I believe that is squarely on the man's shoulders. I agree with Dr. Laura that women probably do have a lot of influence of how the relationship will pan out, but of course, in any partnership, there has to be some give and take. 687635@blogcritics.org Sun, 13 Jan 2008 22:28:29 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-683123 Wow. The comments just go on and on about feminism this and sexism that. What I don't understand is this: If you love your spouse why wouldn't you WANT to make them feel happy, and successful and loved? Yes, it's hard to overcome the selfishness we all feel, but if you think that the "sacrifice" of putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own is too much, then don't get married. Sometimes my spouse drives me nuts, but at the end of the day loving and being loved by that person is my privavlege, not some huge sacrifice. 683123@blogcritics.org Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:29:00 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-636390 I find being my husband's wife very fulfilling, and no one would confuse me with a feminist. I listen to Dr. Laura's show and I sometimes agree with her, but I don't agree 100%. The same for this book. I work outside of my home part-time, and my husband has always been okay with it. I don't always have time to cook - my husband is a terrific cook himself and our family enjoys his meals. Sometimes I'm too tired for sex, and he understands. Sometimes *he's* too tired for sex, and I understand. Our marriage has always been one of give and take, and it's worked well for 22 years now. No one cheats, no one abuses. Here's what I find objectionable about Dr. Laura: I'm a survivor of domestic violence (against my mom, my brothers and myself by my father). Dr. Laura puts 100% of the responsibility for making a relationship work on the wife. My mom tried until the day my Dad died to make him happy. He still drank and became violent. Dr. Laura has, on her show, begun to blame women for the violence against them. According to her, women provoke violence and abuse because they are nags. Nothing could be farther from the truth in my situation, and I'm not alone. I take her advice with a grain of salt because, although I'm not a feminist, I recognize misogynism when I see it. 636390@blogcritics.org Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:38:30 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-631542 It is a fact that only about 10% of couples know how to be happy in a relationship. Some by luck and some because they are best of friends to begin with. It appears from most of the comments, people can't see the forest through the trees. Knowing what I know now, I chuckle at some of the negative comments stemming from ignorance of the intent of Dr Laura. It is easy to fall in love but it is work to stay in love. Most people think that romantic love will last and they do not have to work on their relationships. When relationships fail they assume they just picked the wrong person. This may be true in some cases, but in most they just don't know how to stay in love. Unless you educate yourself and your partner, understanding their specific needs, your relationship is probably doomed. I have been married for 29 years and we stayed married more by luck and circumstance. A few years ago after our children were out of college and self-sufficient, I was very concerned about an "empty nest". After researching the subject and following the advice of Dr. Willard Harley and Dr Laura I found a whole new world and this changed my marriage! We are now in that 10%! Do you know that women initiate 70% of divorces and the male is the last one to know. Try marriagebuilders.com to get the nuts and bolts of relationships, how they work and how they fail. You will find it fascinating and then you might understand Dr Laura. 631542@blogcritics.org Wed, 12 Sep 2007 11:19:11 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-626075 I agree with the principles in Dr. Laura's book. It's too bad that feminists can't take more PRIDE in being WOMEN and all the attributes of FEMININITY instead of glorifying men by acting like them. 626075@blogcritics.org Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:34:51 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-609783 I agree with Vanessa ... really, what's the point of having sex with someone who doesn't want to. Defeats the object of the exercise really, which should be: "Good time had by all". Also, pretending to enjoy it, would, in my book, be tantamount to fraud and almost a breach of trust. Where would the honesty be in that? Shaky grounds for a relationship, I reckon. 609783@blogcritics.org Wed, 11 Jul 2007 02:39:40 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-609775 This whole idea that women should "give it up" even when they don't feel like it bothers me. What kind of man is OK with treating their wife like that? My darling boyfriend of 2 years was born and raised in Southern Italy. He is fiery, manly, and horning most of the time. So, I asked him what he thought about the idea that as part of properly caring for her husband, and good wife should have sex, even when she is not in the mood. In his oh-so-adorable broken English he said: "What! Am I some kind of animal? That is disgusting. If you ever did that I would be so piss-off. If you are not in the mood then maybe I do something wrong." There you have it Ladies and Gents. From a man who could have sex 3 times a day if I was willing but only gets it twice a week (with full enthusiasm). If I'm not in the mood, then maybe HE'S doing something wrong. Something for all of you under-sexed men to think about. 609775@blogcritics.org Wed, 11 Jul 2007 02:27:09 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php#comment-571283 The statistics of male violence against women make particularly grim reading. One in four women in the UK is a victim of domestic violence at some time, with two women a week being killed by their abusive partners or exes. What makes this yet more shocking is that, in 90% of cases, children are in the room when their father subjects their mother to either verbal or physical abuse, and usually both." 571283@blogcritics.org Thu, 5 Apr 2007 13:03:54 EDT