Thank Zeus, then, that this Documentarian by the name of Barry Blaustein went ahead and made a film by the name of Beyond The Mat, which is filled to the gills with chairs slapping off heads and folks saying "motherfucker" and spitting on people's faces.

You'd think that Vince McMahon fella would be all the happy in the world that this Beyond The Mat was made, what with it being a motherfucking masterpiece and all, and how it's filled with the bleeding and the screaming and all that carry-on. You'd be wrong though, if that's what you thought. I mean, if you thought Vince McMahon was pleased. That's the bit you'd be wrong about.

McMahon offered to buy the film on many occasions. He was refused repeatedly. It seems, however, that old Vince isn't a man who is used to refusal. I dunno, maybe he was dumped by some girl in high school who broke his heart and Sandy, Baby, I Sit, I Wonder Why-Ie-Ie, and he ain't never gonna let no stone-cold harpy get the better of him ever again. Maybe something like that happened, cause he made sure no-one would ever say no to his demands ever again. Unless the demand was "Say "no" motherfucker!" In any other circumstances, he would be surrounded by yes men, some of whom had no front teeth on account of being smacked in the jaw with barbed wire.

Thing is, this Beyond The Mat affair hasn't got very much of a negative tone about it. What it does that seemed so damn villainous to McMahon, apart from not being owned by him and all, is that it shows these wrestling individuals to be real people. Y'know, people with families, and hopes, and career ambitions, and maybe a crack-habit or two.

Still, McMahon made sure that adverts for the film were pulled from any of his shows. Being that his shows all involve the wrestling, and that quite a few folks were likely to see them, he probably thought that'd be the last we'd ever hear about this here flick about going Beyond The Mat. What a motherfucking embarrassment it must've been when everyone went and saw it anyway.

Sorry Vince McMahon.

Blaustein admits straight off that he's a fan of the old spandex n' teeth ensemble. What made him wanna make this movie, was not to do a glossy promo video, but to find out who these guys were, these blokes what have the skulls dented and the lips bust and so on.

Turns out to be a sorry escapade, though.

When I was a youngster, one of the biggies was a guy by the name of Jake The Snake Roberts. This guy had a moustache, and a mullet, but even better than that, he had a sack full of snakes that he would just fling onto his opponents now and again, and he had this stare like he was gonna crawl out of the telly like that lass from Ringu and throttle you right there on the sofa.