We Built This City Ranks As The Worst Record Ever
Published April 19, 2004
That's the screaming headline over today's USA Today story on Blender magazine's upcoming cover story, "The 50 Worst Songs Ever."
The new Blender hits newstands tomorrow in New York and L.A. and comes out nationwide on April 27 but as always, bookofjoe's crack research team brings it to you today - here and now.
As the old pick-up line goes, "I may not be Mr. Right, but I could be Mr. Right-Now." But I digress.
Here's Edna Gundersen's story in its entirety, if you're such a lazy POS (that's my personal acronym for piece of shit - but I digress) that you can't even click on the fucking link above.
Well, OK, all right, it is Monday, so I'll cut you a little slack - but just this once.
_______________________________________
We Built This City is the single worst single ever constructed, according to Blender's ranking of reeking tunes.
The magazine's list of "The 50 Worst Songs Ever," which hits newsstands Tuesday in New York and Los Angeles and April 27 nationwide, distills the lamest popular rock-era records into one sonic landfill.
Starship's 1985 anthem, the runaway No. 1 stinker, "seems to inspire the most virulent feelings of outrage," editor Craig Marks says.
"It purports to be anti-commercial but reeks of '80s corporate-rock commercialism. It's a real reflection of what practically killed rock music in the '80s."
Also sealing the song's fate were Starship's steep fall from grace as the admired Jefferson Airplane and "the sheer dumbness of the lyrics," Marks says.
The May issue, a sequel to the 2003 roundup of history's worst bands, coincides with a Blender/VH1 special, The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever, which airs May 12.
Harvesting clunkers that range from The Doors' The End to Aqua's Barbie Girl entailed more digging than expected.
Each dud had to be a hit to make the hit list. Though Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" got in, such novelties as "Macarena" and "Who Let the Dogs Out," which by design are cheesy, were nixed.
The jury also whittled down the bulk of "rotten, excruciatingly bad low-hanging fruit from the '70s," Marks says.
Blender had no qualms about riding herd on sacred cows, inducting The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da," R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People" and John Mayer's "Your Body Is a Wonderland."
The entry most likely to peeve fans is Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sounds of Silence."
"It's the freshman-poetry meaningfulness that got our goat," Marks says.
"With self-important lyrics like, 'Hear my words that I might teach you,' it's almost a parody of pretentious '60s folk-rock.
"If Frasier Crane wrote a song, this would be it."
To accommodate coming horrors, the list can't be considered definitive. Noting that Clay Aiken's "Invisible" landed at No. 11, Marks predicts that "as soon as the American Idol season is finished, there will be a new entry."
Here's Blender's list, titled by the waggish mag:
___________________________________
THE TOP OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL
1.
We Built This City
Starship
1985
2.
Achy Breaky Heart
Billy Ray Cyrus
1992
3.
Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Wang Chung
1986
4.
Rollin'
Limpbizkit
2000
5.
Ice Ice Baby
Vanilla Ice
1990
6.
The Heart of Rock & Roll
Huey Lewis & The News
1984
7.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Bobby McFerrin
1988
8.
Party All the Time
Eddie Murphy
1985
9.
American Life
Madonna
2003
10.
Ebony and Ivory
Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder
1982
- We Built This City Ranks As The Worst Record Ever
- Published: April 19, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Music
- Writer: bookofjoe
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Comments on this articleComments
I would hope they at least listed five songs by Styx.....
#8 should be the worst. The anger shit from Linkin Park should occupy at least five spots.
Why are those guys so upset? Honestly...
I really loved "We Built this City" when it came out. In my own defense, it came out in 1985 and I was born in 1979. I don't think I should be held accountable for music I loved when I was six.
By the way, I would like to put "I want to Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd on the list.
William Shatner's doped-up lounge version of "I want to Sex You Up" on the MTV Awards back when that song was hot totally redeems that song's existence. Sometimes horrible things must exist for beautiful things to sprout from them, and this is just such a case. I'm okay with that.
I don't understand why people won't just admit that Alicia Bridges' "I Love the Nightlife" is the worst hit song ever. This should be followed by Rod Stewart's "Do You Think I'm Sexy." I don't see why they would pick on Huey Lewis when there are so many just-kill-me-now disco disasters out there. And if you want to criticize a song for being overly sappy, I nominate "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks, as well as anything by Harry Chapin. And that's just a start.
Sure, that Starship song is kind of goofy, but there are dozens of songs -- hit songs -- that rank way higher on the Vomit Scale.
"Summer Girls" by LFO should be the worst song of all time. I documented it here on my site.
Also on this list was "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band.
LFO - Summer Girls Lyrics (I looked them up for you!)
Lyrics (if you can call them that):
"New Kids on the Block had a Bunch of Hits
Chinese Food Makes Me Sick
And i think its fly when girls stop by for the summer
I Like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if i had one wish
But she's been gone since that Summer
Hip Hop Momma Layed Spic & Span
Met you one summer & it all began
You're the best girl did i ever did see
The Great Larry Bird wore Jersey 33
When you take a sip you Buzz like a Hornet
Billy Shakespeare Wrote a bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle Coz i cant speak baby
Somethin' in your eyes went & Drove me crazy
Now i cant forget you and it makes me mad
Left one day and Never Came Back
Stayed all Summer then went back Home
McCaulley Culkin wasn't Home-Alone
Fell Deep In Love, but now we Aint SPeakin
Micheal J Fox Was Alex P. Keaton
When i met you i said my name Was Rich
You looked like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch"
HHHMMM...this is a tricky one. I was (and still am) one of those who automaticly rejected a song due to hit powered overplay. Like twice an hour for example. It took me years to un-reject 'Ichy Coo Park' by Small Faces. Actually a great, inventive song. But man, it got rammed down our throats. Not by the industry but by request!
Anyway, there is alot of pure shlock out there. Oh man, let us dig it up!
peaceloveguidance
Children of the Sun - Billy Thorpe
Plus anything by RUSH, REM, and that little purple faggot, PRINCE.
To be sure, "We Built This City" is horrible, but turn on any top-40 radio right now any you'll hear something at least as bad.
I am honored to be the first to ask...
...where's Slash?
"Misunderstanding" by the Phil Collins Bland, sorry, Genesis.
Probably the reason I hate that song is that it represents the point when a once great band turned irredeemably crap.
Shark did you really call Prince a faggot? Maybe I didn't get it.
Douglas brings up overplayed songs.
I am still trying to enjoy Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden after it was ruined due to the video on MTV being on twice an hour for an entire summer.
Video Killed... a really great Soundgarden song.
What's that Sheryl Crow/Kid Rock song? God(dess) I hate that piece of garbage!
Shania's Man, I Feel Like a Woman is the most annoying song I have ever heard.
While I (obviously) think there is merit to making "greatest, best, top, most important" -type lists, I think "worst ofs" are utterly pointless. If it's the overplayed factor, that isn't the song's fault, if it's cheeze, that could apply to most pop songs, if it's good bands gone bad, that typically just means "went pop."
It just comes down to "I don't like it."
And what is the deal with calling Prince a "little faggot"? That's exceptionally peculiar on about five different levels.
And what is the deal with calling Prince a "little faggot"? That's exceptionally peculiar on about five different levels.
re: "faggot"
Um, sorry kids, it was an inside joke.
nevermind.
mea culpa.
What about saying "the little faggot with the ear-ring and the makeup," to quote the working stiff narrator of Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing"? I always thought he was referring to either Prince or Boy George, both in heavy rotation at the time.
Rodney, thanks, but as usual --- if ya gotta explain it...
[sigh]
Before he became an elder statesman, I believe Sprinsgsteen once said, about "billy, don't be a hero," "If somebody shot the guys who wrote it, there's not a jury in the land that would find them guilty."
Worst song ever: one of my favorite parlor games. "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me," "Sussudio," "You Give Love a Bad Name," "Old Time Rock and Roll" ... and basically, any song that has to come out and say how hard it rocks has to be in there.
Whitney Houston "And I Will Always Love You".
which reached it's egotistical heights of rapture with the Body Gaurd. Let me get my flyswatter.
EJ : any song that has to come out and say how hard it rocks has to be in there.
With one major exception, Scorpions 'Rock you Like a Hurricane'. The only decent product of glam rock.
Agreed, W. "The bitch is hungry/She needs to tell/So give her inches/and feed her well." You can talk all day about how these lines are the epitome of chest-baring wretched excess machismo, but they're just flamboyant enough to be immortal.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one who thinks that "your body is a wonderland" is horrible. I really hate that song. I hope there is one on the list from Steely Dan. I think that band is disgraceful
There are some Steely Dan songs I like better than others, but I can't think of any of their hits I'd put on the list. That's a unique band, and their best songs are enduringly strange.
Nothing from the 60s through 80s is as bad as the current crap. Worst song? Running by No Doubt. Sounds like it was written by a 9-year-old that dots her i's with bubbles, sung by her younger whinier sister, and banged out on a crappy Casio. No musical, lyrical, or vocal merit whatsoever.
The most absolutely worst, most horrible, vile, evil, grotesque, repulsive, disgraceful, awful, appalling, whoppingly shitfest of a song of all time is.......
"MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris
A close second would be "Car Wash."
The most absolutely worst, most horrible, vile, evil, grotesque, repulsive, disgraceful, awful, appalling, whoppingly shitfest of a song of all time is.......(ah, the joys of cut-and-paste)
"You're Having My Baby"
"Park" at least had a melody and some interesting rhythmic changes...
"Feelings" sung by uh, Albert Moses. I think thats what the dudes name was. Oh man, what a useless song. What kind of feelings? Anger? Joy? Anxiety? No feeling at all. Just 'feelings". A really schmaltzy melody. No melody really...
"Patches, I'm dependin' on you son..." uh, actually had a bit of feel and story to it. so I won't slam on that one too hard.
giving the parlance of our times the appropriority, "the reason" by hoobastank is the absolute biggest stinker, ever, not even enjoyable in a MST3K way, not in a bad Foreigner lyrics way, etc. The only saving grace I can see in it is that the Backstreet Boys image has expired. Can anybody ad-lib a new name for Hoobastank?
"Free Will" by Rush; that's pretty dog's-ass as these things go.
All of the above certainly merit consideration. I just hope I don't get any of the tunes stuck in my head from reading this. A few more to add to the mix:
Seasons in the Sun by (I think) Terry Jacks. (We had joy, we had fun...)
Rock and Roll Heart by Eric Clapton (I get off on 57 Chevys).
This One Goes Out To The One I Love by REM. Possibly the most repetitive song ever written.
Love To Love You Baby by Donna Summer.
Summer's version of MacArthur Park
Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
Oh, almost forgot - Wildfire by (I think) Michael Martin Murphy
Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler - I think someone else did it first, but just thinking of the Divine Miss M's version makes me shudder.
Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins - another execrable cover of a song that sucked in the first place
"Feelings"....anybody remember the Gong Show episode where all the contestants sang "Feelings"?
a high point of 70's culture.
ok, maybe not.
How could I have forgotten "Wind Beneath My Wings"? That's one of the worst songs EVER. It's so sickeningly patronizing. The singer of that song deserves to be violently beaten by whoever he's addressing.
dang, i really like Summer's "Love To Love You Baby"
I like several of the songs listed here and in the Blender list, which just goes to show you...
I had thought that most of my "Worst Song" list was completed when I was a teenager listening to a great deal of radio. Songs like "Billy Don't Be a Hero", "Seasons in the Sun", and "Afternoon Delight" really stenched up my memory.
But then, about ten years ago, Heart came out with my pick for the all-time worst song: "All I Want to Do Is Make Love to You". Ugh!!! It was a horrible song, with a disgusting story to tell -- one-night stand with a hitch-hiker so that the singer could have a baby -- sung really poorly. Ann Wilson has sung well at times, but not this time.
I really hate that song.
Stan: You rock! "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" and "Afternoon Delight". WOW, you really dredged up some stinkers!
Taloran, are you sure "Rock and Roll Heart" is Eric Clapton? I consulted the Bible (All Music Guide) and EC is not listed as having performed that song. Listed is Lou Reed, Jeff Copley, Garageland, David Mallet, Melanie, and Zuba. I'm not even familiar with this song, and as a so-so Clapton fan, I'm pretty sure this is one that didn't slip under my radar somehow.
"Free Will" by Rush; that's pretty dog's-ass as these things go.
As a Rush fan, I'm just going to ignore this. We know we're smarter than you, anyway. ;-)
While "We Built This City" would be near the top of my list of wretched pop songs, I'll reserve another tune for the number one spot. And that's because Grace Slick has been hilarious, like this sarcastic cousin of mine, in every interview with her I've read. Thus Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" can take that spot. The pan-flute and over-singing of every other note are enough to warrant protests by Amnesty International on behalf of anyone forced to listen to it!
That article's listing of the bottom didn't really scrrrrrrrrape the bottom of the barrel since it didn't include these masterpieces:
"Alone Again (Naturally) " - Gilbert O'Sullivan
"Angie Baby" - Helen Reddy
"Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" - B.J. Thomas
"Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me" - Mac Davis
"Do It To Me One More Time" - Captain & Tennille
"Don't Give Up on Us Baby" - David Soul
"Funny Face" - Donna Fargo
"Have You Never Been Mellow? " - Olivia Newton-John
"How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You" - James Taylor
"Lovin' You" - Minnie Riperton
"Midnight At The Oasis" - Maria Muldaur (sing your camel to bed!)
"Muskrat Love" - Captain and Tenille
"Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glen Campbell
"(Turn On Your) Heartlight" - Neil Diamond
Yes, those are all immensely shitty with a couple of exceptions (I still kinda like "Lovin' You" and "Midnight at the Oasis" -- it's "bring your camel to bed," actually, one of the few songs to deal with Middle Eastern bestiality) but I think in coming up with a list like this you have to go for more than just the obvious choices.
The only point to even talking about this list is to demonstrate just how stupid and ridiculous Blender truly is. They ridicule these old overplayed pop songs, while praising the overplayed pop songs of today. The songs they give positive reviews to down the line would surely make the list. The magazine is corporate, and bases its ratings decisions on advertising.
"How could I have forgotten "Wind Beneath My Wings"? That's one of the worst songs EVER."
Then you might like my rewriting of the lyrics (a pasttime I've enjoyed since I was a kid):
"Haven't I told you you're a zero?
Someone I'd never want to be?
Though this won't hurt your bloated ego,
You are The Wind Beneath My Cheeks"
Thank you! I'll be appearing at The Roxy all this week...
Ooh, another vote for (against) Heart's "All I Wanna Do..." Trash, through and through, and way worse than the Starship stinker.
BTW, Morris Albert did "Feelings." I still think he owes the world an apology for it.
Re #36 and 45, it's "I've Got a Rock and Roll Heart" and it's on Money and Cigarettes and it does pretty well suck.
re: Tom Johnson in comment 45:
Yep, unfortunately I'm certain that was Clapton. I am a huge Clapton fan, and his recording of that song is, in my opinion, a much lower point in his mostly exemplary career than his execrable rehash of Marley's I Shot the Sheriff. Money and Cigarettes is a pretty darn good album with the exception of that song, but I've refused to add it to my collection of 40+ albums and CDs featuring Clapton (Solo, Cream, Derek & the Ds, Blind Faith, Delaney and Bonnie, compilations, etc) because of "I get off on 57 chevys, I get off on screaming guitars"
Ah, I see now - I only looked it up by that title, and now that I see what you (and Eric) are talking about, that's from precisely the period of Clapton that I just can't really stand outside of a few songs. So, without actually consciously knowing the song, I will agree with you in general.
I would like to nominate Rupert Holmes "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" for a place in the Halls of Suckitude.
"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne..."
Excuse me while I go ... go .... ugghhhh.....blurrglghhaaagghh.... ehhh.... ah...excuse me. I feel better now.
"Lonely Nights"
The Captain and Tenille (sp?)
David
Rico Suave by Gerardo
Pumps and a Bump by Hammer
Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice
Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy
Boogie in Your Butt by Eddie Murpy
Hmmm, what comes to mind?
Horrible, Dreadful, and What The Hell?
One of Paula Abduls songs should be on the list......I know at least one or two or three.
One of Paula Abdul's songs should be on the list......I know at least one or two or three.
ya know, the snobby part of me likes to think that i don't like Abba...but i bought a Marshall Crenshow cd several years ago (Live, My Home Is My Truck) where he does a fantastic cover of "Knowing Me, Know You".
so maybe i like 'em.
This dubious distinction is a coin toss.
"Nights In White Satin"- The Moody Blues
or "Hey Jude" by The Beatles. BLECCCHH!
Natalie: Morris Albert! Thats right! Shoot, shows how we all tried to get that number out of our heads. Shoot, 30 years ago. Great art is timely, so is shitty stuff...
peaceloveguidance
HW: BLECCCHH? That reminds me of an all time great, 'It's a Gas' by Alfred E. Newman. Played it all the time as a kid. Danced and sang the lyrics: BURP...
Douglas,you've got me pegged to a tee.
I DJ once in a while and I like to play
both "It's A Gas" by Alfred E. and "Lets
Do The Fink" from the "Twist W/ Mad" LP.
Reaction to the tunes vary according to
the amounts of drink consumed,LOL.
HW: Yeah!! I am of the age where I had the original 'Its a Gas'. It was a 7" paper disc copy that came in one of those MAD special compilation issues that come out a few times a year. 1967 or so? And for collectible-philes, is that the original-original? I wonder what the copyright and original publishing date is on that great classic? Memories...
WOW, you play those cuts at the dance clubs (weddings or wherever)? I remember when MAD came out with the disco version of 'Its a Gas'. Great production! I love how they put the delay and repeat on burping during an instrumental stretch near the end of the track.
'Lets Do the Fink', YOU ROCK!!!
Iriemon
Douglas,A disco version of "It's A Gas"?
That sounds great!!! I've a got a funky
disco version of "C Is For Cookie" by
Cookie Monster(of course) produced by
Quincy Jones.I grew up on "Mad" but had
to smuggle 'em in and out of the house.
My folks didn't want me to read it so...
Naturally,it was a favorite.
HW: Yeah, I know what you mean. My folks let me read it. In 3rd grade (1965) I discovered MAD. Would buy every issue with allowance money (30 cents, cheap!).
And what an educational institution. Man, I learned alot about society and politics from that magazine. It all made more sense through the eyes of MAD. It sure kept me up to date with the reality of current events. I can honestly say I did better in school with MAD as a tutor. I have had people tell me: "you were raised on MAD magazine, weren't you?..." Oh boy.
OH, disco Gas came out in the 70s as one of those 7" floppy type records.
Anyway, gotta jump.
Iriemon
I loved MAD also, and I didn't know what they were lampooning half the time so I would look into it and in that way I agree that it helped my education and made me much more aware of the world around me.
I still remember their parody of Pet Clark's "Downtown": "Ground Round"
"When you eat meat/and hate the meat that you're eating/ you've surely got ... ground round!"
Eric: Exactly! In order to get the joke as a kid, I had to go do outside research.
Oh yeah, I remember "Ground Round". I still sing it since "Downtown" appears in some commercial nowadays.
Then, as I got into high school, National Lampoon became available. On radio and in print!
WOW, this is good we got off the subject of slamming peoples music and somehow got into comedy. Leave it to MAD.
amen, DM
Another amazing thing about MAD was the incredible artwork. They could actually DRAW bad breath. Draw bad breath? Yup, they could.
Back to music. Well, maybe the best thing to do would be have the list of "50 Songs That Just Drove Me/Us Nuts".
I mean, I guess everything has it's merit. The fact that it became popular (the general public dictates that issue no matter how the industry might try to persuade). So, music being a personal thing, I'm not into slamming anyone for their choice. It may make me puke, but you know, I'm sure my Joy Division favorites would make alot of people puke.
Anyway, some re-wording of some of these lists might be an answer. People won't be so defensive and we might have a more analytical response. I mean less attacking or something...
peaceloveguidance
OK, one song I really like in it's pop/punk sensibility is "Too Drunk to Fuck" by the Dead Kennedys. It rocks and is fun to slam (not too harsh) to with the girls.
Currently 'What You Waiting For?' by Gwen Stefani is played to death on Radio Aire (Yorkshire radio station) and it is perfectly described by the comments on No Doubt's 'Running' above! She does sing like an annoying little child pestering you.
"We Built This City" I would agree is a pretty crappy song from a once respectable band
(Jefferson Airplane, that is, not the wretched Starship)
But it is not even close to being the worst song.
Hell, you've barely scratched the surface.
"I've Never Been To Me" by some twat named Charlene is just about the worst song of all recorded history.
And how can the Starland Vocal Band NOT make the top 10?
"Afternoon Delight"?
Yuk...more like a five minute nightmare!
WTF? How does a thread on "Worst Songs Ever" get to 79 posts without a mention of Hotel California? Sheesh.
...or "Sometimes When We Touch (The Honesty's Too Much" by Dan Hill.
And I have, but am too scared to play, Bing Crosby doing "Hey Jude." I also have an album by a guy who calls himself: I, Brute Force. Me, No Play Anymore.
"S-A-F-E-T-Y Dance" by Men Without Hats is the worst song ever recorded.
Does anyone have the entire list of "50 worst songs"? Please post.
the legend of billy jack is the worst song of all time followed by kung fu fighting
Add your comment, speak your mind
(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/14880)
I hope "Wildfire" and "Sometimes When We Touch" make the cut.