Two pseudo-news stories to get your blood boiling:

Despite the abysmal failure of Gigli last year, Jennifer Lopez was paid $12 million for her performance. Now, J.Lo's mother has hit a $2.4 million jackpot in Atlantic City:

Guadalupe Lopez, 58, hit it big off a $3 bet on a "Wheel of Fortune" slot machine at the swanky Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa on Saturday night, a representative of her singer/actress daughter confirmed on Tuesday.

The haul represented a record slots payout at the Borgata, which opened last July.

Even more upsetting, Ted Turner, who was once lambasted by the film industry for his campaign to colorize classic black and white films, has been granted a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame:

Turner, 65, then declared the star "a great honor," thanked the crowd, and added, looking skyward, "Thank you, mom and dad."

More than 2,100 of the stars have been awarded by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce since 1960 in five categories: movie stars & directors; the television industry; singers, songwriters, and recording artists; radio stars; stage performers.

While neither of these happenings registers more than an iota on the scale of atrocities being committed around the globe today, both stand as testament to the fact that irony, though repeatedly declared dead in the wake of 9/11, is alive and kicking.