"Bush wants universal, affordable broadband access for all."

The back-story: necessitated by people in poor health who will be able to — really, really fast — read up on their diseases and perhaps treat themselves, or calculate their greatly reduced life expectancy, as Bush doesn't care about universal, affordable healthcare. This is opposed to universal, affordable narrowband access with which people can do the same thing, but a lot slower — maybe so slow they're dead before they've diagnosed themselves.

Now that Howard Dean is out of the running for president, the Bush administration figures the Internet is pretty much just for porn and chat rooms again. Safe for mass American consumption, that is.

"Coalition closes Iraqi paper."

The back-story: the USA, exporting truth, justice and the American Way — or some small portion of it. The part that looks like fascism.