Jasmine - Your petite little flower appears to be an annual instead of a perennial. In other words, you have not consistently blossomed this season. Nevertheless, we did give you a bye last night, so you are definitely safe. But listen up my little wahine, you better get your act together or we will be sending you back to Fantasy Island on da plane da plane.

John Peter Poltergeist - The Catholic priests are gathering at the Vatican to discuss your savage possession. The world is starting to wonder if he is John Peter is the Scarlet Harlot from Revelations. I grabbed the plastic crucifix I got for free with my ticket to The Passion and slammed it up against my television set. Ryan then tells America that JPL is safe!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHAAAAAH! OH MY GAWD! I think I saw Carol Ann in my T.V.!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEK!

Camile - Obviously, this girl was dressed for a disaster tonight. She had to know that tonight was her night to go. She tried to blend in with the other idols. She wore camouflage pants to blend in with the Jasmine garden and she wore a pink top to blend in with Amy Adams' spiky pink head! Ryan then shot a scud missile at her and sent her to losers tow to cuddle with the big bear. Camile raises her powerful wristband and knocks the smoking scud to the ground like a patriot missile. She then picks it up and takes a big hit from it and smiles into the camera. She ain't worried anymore, that's for sure.

J-Hud - Jennifer is still dealing with her hair. She looks haggard and worn down from all of the stress. She is still in dismay from her bottom three scare last week, and last night's tragic performance was no help for the nerves. Seatriscuit then gives J-Hud the good news - YOU ARE SAFE! J-Hud's eyes then pop out of her head (even more than usual) and America is flabbergasted because that means either Amy or Diana are toast! OH NO!

Amy and Diana - Amy, you blew the barn door off of this redneck roundup and America was blown away by you. Diana, all of America obviously read my review last night and mistakenly called 1-800-IMA-TARD by mistake, cuz you my pretty are in the bottom three.

WHAT? Are you kidding me? This is an utter travesty! Diana DeGarmo is one of the top four or five singers in this bunch. There is no way she is on the verge of eviction.