Jasmine stumbles onstage and appears to be lost in the field of corn. Is she detassling or is she singing tonight??? Anyway, after she finished shucking an ear or two of corn, she shucked my ears half off. It was not a very good rendition. But the truth remains, I cannot write this girl off yet. This is a terribly difficult song to sing. Heck, Faith Hill barely did it any justice and she is a country singing Empress.

Randy said your key was wrong. Randy is right because it certainly ain't opening up my pandora's box of appreciation. Paula said you were pitchy. Can Paula get a new word-of-choice this season? Simon said you were mumsy and dadsy. Please turn it up a notch Jasmine. You are better than tonight's performance. Then again, who can criticize a cute little Hawaiian girl making her first public attempt at singing White Trash America's version of cool music. This week, you get a bye.

6. Diana DeGarmo - "A Broken Wing" -Martina McBride

Diana showed us a video tonight. It is the scene where her mom threw her onstage to sing at the age of five. HOLY PATSY RAMSEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, as she grew older, she toured the nation and sang the national anthem in front of thousands of screaming drunk Hockey fans (the Yankee version of southern rednecks). She came ready tonight. She was right at home in this country music theme.

Diana was sitting on the steps singing a snappy little Marina McBride number. She started a little shaky at the beginning but managed to turn it up a notch. There was a point in time where I felt like I was being pecked to death by Woody Woodpecker, but other than that, it was impeccable. Unfortunately for Diana, there were too many better singers tonight. Let's just hope for Diana's sake that Tuesday night is a bad night for Hockey. Otherwise, she might not get many votes.

Randy said it was the best performance for you. Paula is a total dork because she entered you into a long-note-holding contest. WHAT A GOOBER! Simon said you were not connecting to the audience. I say you tell Simon to connect himself to 1-800-IMA-TARD because he is apparently disconnected from reality.

5. Jon Stevens - "King Of The Road"-Roger Miller

Carrot Top has sprouted from the Stevens family gene pool. His mommy loves his hair and his daddy was terrified of it???? WHAAAAAAAT? How could anyone be worried about their child's hair color????? With people like this floating about, is it any wonder our nation is so confused these days? Meanwhile, there is one thing that is not confusing for those of us at home. We all know that Opie likes to sing into girl's chests. I MEAN, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT VIDEO CLIP ALL ABOUT? I'm calling the Parent's Television Council and filing a complaint! They need to take that TV-G rating down from the screen immediately! As if watching Simon tongue Paula tonight was not bad enough???? EEEEEW!