Matt tells us that he has a speech impediment. He has problems saying his "r's." (Hmmmmmmmmm? That's funny. I was sure my pastor told me they had problems with their "s's. OH WELL!). Although his impediment has since subsided when he speaks, America suffered through his lyrical impediment tonight. The best speech pathologist in the world would have had a panic attack if they would have been called to the Red Room after this performance. In fact, they almost need to call in an oral surgeon for a little corrective surgery.

Randy said this was your best performance. WHAAAAAAAAT? Paula flooded us with more innuendos and told us how sensitive you were. The women at home are eating this up while their hubby's are wincing at the mere thought of a bubble bathing bear who likes to tackle. Simon said he liked you but said you were a sellout. Baby, I'll be amazed if you stay around much longer after that dismal number.

8. John Peter Lewis - "She Believes In Me" -Kenny Rogers

Barry Manilow once had a potato crammed up his blowpipe! It shot out into the sky and became John Peter Lewis, the demon child spawned outta Idaho!!!!!!! America - what are you thinking????? Someone please get me a deprogrammer and let's buy ourselves a commercial!!!!!!!!! We have to save America from his hypnosis! When I see this guy, the theme song to Salem's Lot starts to flood my mind. I mean, did you not see the freaky peekaboo behind the tree segment????? And his parents even dressed him up as the devil for Halloween!!!! EEEEEEEEEK!

Well, the creepy thing is that I actually liked this performance tonight! The Potatogeist actually impressed me. And since he did not dance like a lunatic, I have to bump him up a notch. He gave a squirrelly little performance but it was nice enough to make me smile a little.

But I promise, it was only a little smile.

Randy said you were no good. Paula said you turned this redneck rodeo into a pleasant performance. Simon said you had an odd voice. Um, yes Simon, that is because the devil is living inside of his pharynx!!!!!!!!!

7. Jasmine Trias - "Breathe" -Faith Hill

Ahhhhh. Spring has sprung and so has the sweet sweet smell of Jasmine. And we love her cute little mommy too. Mother Nora is a trip. She is chatty and lovable. She is proud of her daughter. And who wouldn't be after the performance this girl gave us a week ago????