Camile is sitting on a stool and she looks more ravishing than ever before. She opens her mouth and starts to sing ....... "Domo Arrigato Mister Desperado!" EEEEEEEEK! What on Earth was this performance???? For crying out loud, please blow your nose Camile. Your performances are getting a little stuffy. And honey, that vibrato has gotta go before all the snot vibrates out onto the stage. Forget the mad cow's disease - Hawaii has suddenly become responsible for importing a contagious sheep - - - and we already had one of those last year!

Randy said you were jerky! Yeah Randy, like an epileptic seizure. Paula said you twisted your hip. Huuuuh? Simon said your nerves were the problem. I say you don't need to have a neurological problem to get the shakes from this performance. Do the words "heebee jeebies" ring a bell????????

10. Jennifer Hudson - "No One Else On Earth" -Wynona Judd

OOOOOOOOH - Miss Jennifer has recovered from that scary experience with the paper shredder last week and it managed to straighten her hair out! Gurlfriend - you look DYNO-MITE! I got all excited for her performance. She had to come back and show American that they were wrong for sending her to losers row last week.

She had to - but she didn't.

Jennifer started out subtly. She had some issues with volume control and lost herself in the arrangement. Then, the Holy Ghost leaped into her body and she strangled the microphone. She then choked out a few more lines and begged us to "clap it up ya'll." I was amazed that people in the audience actually listened. As she finished out the song and brought us down to "Earth" I sat on my therapist's couch, shocked and dismayed, that my homegurl had a bad night.

Randy said you were pitchy. Paula said you had a great personality. EARTH TO PAULA - - THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL, NOT MISS CONGENIALITY! Simon said that other people were better than you. Although I love me some Jennifer, I can honestly say that this was a discount performance. It was almost cheaper than the price tag on Minnie Pearl's lovely little hat - and I think she bought that thing in the early 1800's.

9. Matt Rogers - "Amazed" -Lone Star

Steve Young (who played for San Francisco - WINK WINK) came to see his favorite American Idol football star sing his little tail off! He brought all of Matt's friends from Moby Dick's (ya know, that bar in the Casto) and the Ho-Mo-Down is underway! Mooooo! Mooooo! Buckaroos! Hey..... speaking of San Francisco, did I see Mayor Gavin Newsome in the audience too???? Maybe not. Oh well, we love you Gavin!!!!!!!!! Two snaps and a boot scoot boogie for our dashing Mayoral Prince.