The NEO-CONS Solutions to the War on Terror
Published March 24, 2004
6. Don't worry about rounding up the Jews; we've always got Mel Gibson.
7. Change the name of french fries to "freedom fries"; change "french kiss" to "Texas tongued";
8. Add the Crusades to the Confederate Re-enactors agenda. Organize a Children's Crusade using unemployed minorities from "da hood"; tell them Afghanistan is the largest producer of heroin in the world and that it's first come — first served.
9. Give Michael Moore back to the Moors.
10. Give Africa AIDS using stealth 'health workers' from the CIA. (Whoops. Done! Cross that one off!)
11. Give Afghanistan back to the democratic, freedom loving Afghans... if you can find any.
12. Give Iraq a taste of Democracy, but when the civil war breaks out --or they vote for a nut-case theocracy, tell them we were just kidding, kill all males over 12, and take their friggin' oil like we should have done in the first place.
13. Change term "Spanish fly" to "Appeaser Maggot"
14. Give the rich a tax break and send through a bill that denies poor people the ability to make Overtime money at their minimum wage jobs.
15. Either cancel the Olympics, or try to get George W. to lighten up on that anti-steroid shit he's been spouting. What was that about?
16. Invade Mexico, then reinstate the draft for any 'citizen' south of the Rio Grande. Heh. Those Messcuns want jobs... we got 'em.
17. When asked, say Jesus is your favorite philosopher. (Don't worry about that Sermon on the Mount stuff, just act like you admire his works. You don't really have to read or practice them.)
18. Invade any country you think you can whip. It's great for morale, military spending, and the perfect distraction while we rob the country blind.
- The NEO-CONS Solutions to the War on Terror
- Published: March 24, 2004
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- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: Shark
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13. Change term "Spanish fly" to "Appeaser Maggot"
LOL!
is it just me or does ShaneMacgowan look just like that dude from the Beastie Boys?
(ok, it's probably just me)
Hey, that was really funny, actually. It's always amusing to see one's politically correct, soft-on-terror sensitivities inflamed. Thanks for the laughs. ~ MEM
politically correct & soft-on-terror, eh?
i don't know about where you come from but where i come from the world is in color.
...but i guess the black & white version is easier to understand.
I think 1st Lt. Mark V. Shaney USMC said it best when he said:
"...this is not defined as an absence of war. It is the presence of liberty, stability, and prosperity. In the face of the enemy. Don't buy into the pessimism and apathy that says, "It's hopeless," "They hate us too much," "That part of the men and women serving here in Iraq the enemy wherever you are. You are a mighty force for good, because truth is on your side. Together we will ultimately fail. That is why I am asking for your support. Become a voice of truth in your community. Wherever you are fight the lies of the men and women serving here in Iraq the enemy wherever you are. You are the soldiers at home fighting the war of perception with the media and American people. Our enemy has learned that the people in the highest regard. We love to criticize ourselves almost to an endless degree, because we care what others think. "
Raymond Onar
And as always: "Quidquid excusatio prandium pro!
As long as we're quoting Marines, how about this:
"...we know that we might soon die and this is not funny, the possibility of death, but like many combatants before us, we laugh to obscure the tragedy of our cheap, squandered lives with the comedy of combat and being deployed to protect oil reserves and the rights and profits of certain American companies, many of which have direct ties to the White House, and oblique financial entanglements with the Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney, and the commander in chief, George Bush, and the commander' progeny.
"...We know this because Keuhn, on of our representatives from Texas, says: "All those old white fuckers from Texas have their fat hands in Arab oil. The motherfuckers drink it like beer!"
"...And at this point we also know that the outcome of the conflict is less important for us -- the men who will fight and die -- than for the old white fuckers and others who have billions of dollars to gain or lose in the oil fields..."
--- excerpt from "JARHEAD" by Anthony Swofford (Gulf War I)
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