I am Hearby Canceling Marriage
Published March 23, 2004
From now on, your love and romance guidance counselors will also be financial planners and lawyers who have knowledge of state laws. They will be making you think the worst from the start, because that is what love is all about, apparently.
Fine. This is the last straw. This is a complete departure from the way marriage was originally intended. If you people can't do it right, then I am just canceling marriage altogether. Forget gay marriage. I am sorry, but all these bad, straight apples have ruined it for everyone. I hearby cancel the whole "sacred" institution. There is no more sanctity to protect, so we will just cancel the whole blasted thing.
It's like when I was a kid and I was supposed to go somewhere with my parents and my two siblings. One of us would screw up by doing something bad. We might fight over the front seat. I might say something that I wasn't supposed to say. One of us would throw an unexplainable tantrum of some kind. As a result, my mom or dad would say, "That's it. Get back in the house. We aren't going at all anymore." This would occur despite the claims from one of the innocents in the situation, that we didn't all deserve to be punished. It never worked when I was a kid, as none of those trips were ever reinstated. My parents didn't care if two of us had been good. It was ruined and failure to comply by any member of our little clan would result in loss of privilege for the entire group.
Who knows, maybe the gay folks are the good kids in this scenario. We will never know because you dysfunctional folks forced me to cancel the whole thing.
Maybe next time you will think of that before you get out of hand.
Now go to your room.
Craig Lyndall rants, raves and writes other stuff at FilteringCraig.com and at The Cleveland Sports Curse
- I am Hearby Canceling Marriage
- Published: March 23, 2004
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- Section: Politics
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: Craig Lyndall
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Mr. Manning, I support gay marriage even though I hope to be heterosexually married some day. You can say whatever you want with your first amendment rights, but I just want to let you know that you are wrong. But, it is your right to be wrong, so go ahead.
I don't see why saying "I'm heterosexually married" or "I"m homosexually married" is such a bad thing. If nothing else, it puts SEX back into marriage!
"...I will make sure that when divulging my marital status to people I've just met... I will announce that "I'm heterosexually married," just so it won't cause confusion."
Man, I bet you're the life of the party!
(whispers to fellow party goer) "Jeez, that guy over there just introduced himself as 'heterosexually married'. What's up with that?
(whispers)I don't know, but he scares me. I'm gettin' outta here."
This is what makes Massachussetts so interesting. It is a strange combination of religion and liberalism. They are progressive and guilty.
"progressive and guilty"
I believe the term is "Catholic".
Nope... Catholic just describes the guilty part. :-)
Interesting entry, Craig. As I blogged last week, a second county in Oregon agreed to marry gays. Backlash from the far Right ensued. So, now, Benton County has backed down. . .sort of. It will not marry anyone until state law is clarified. Looks a lot like your 'let's cancel the trip' response, doesn't it?
I thought 'Jaded' was living with his head stuck in the sand yesterday, but Mark Edward Manning makes him look downright engaged. Now, I must 'heterosexually' brew some coffee.
Prenups for Lovers is pretty good. My fiancee and I read it when we were putting together our prenup, and it helped us get context about how prenups work legally, and the role they can play in a relationship.
Getting married without a prenup is like driving without a seatbelt -- you hope nothing bad ever happens, but if it does, it's better to have been using appropriate safety equipment throughout.
Without a prenup, you and your partner are subject to default state laws. With a prenup, the two of you get to decide the terms of the marriage for yourself, instead of letting the bureaucrats in [Insert State Capital Here] make those decisions for you.
My fiancee and I are looking forward to filing the prenup away and never looking at it again.
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All I know is that, being from Massachusetts, I will make sure that when divulging my marital status to people I've just met back home, I will announce that "I'm heterosexually married," just so it won't cause confusion. Maybe nothing short of a Constitutional amendment can stop the gay marriage tide (and altering the Constitution should always be the last option, an option I'm not happy or comfortable with), but the homosexual community cannot take away my right to free speech. They will no doubt try, but damned if they'll succeed.