I suppose one never truly stops learning. We may find comfortable ruts, secluded neighborhoods, a great house on the golf course - but even hidden within these insulated enclaves, we are always experiencing, absorbing. I guess after a certain age we grow weary of the new, seeking out the comfortable block where all wear the same shirts, shoes and haircut. They are one of us, we are one of them, "I'll just die if I don't get this recipe."

A woman breaks up with you because you are emotionally distant, mean-spirited or as dull as white soap, and you just don't really give a shit anyway. You stumble through life, having embraced its utter banality, cursing your parents for creating you after a hot summer night in the back seat of a lime green Buick. "Why didn't they tell me life sucked this bad?!" And at night, in the darkness of another endless journey, you press your hands against your skull, squeezing with all your strength, silent screams exiting through gaping mouth.

You post a photograph on the web for kicks, and view an endless line of hideous women, transvestites, sexual deviants, married women, old women, women on the rebound, women without high school degrees, women with piercings in places only ventured with eyes closed (for the most part). It's as sticky as a nightclub restroom on a Saturday night. You want to wash your shoes.

You awaken one morning preparing to watch a movie for the fifth time - well hell, it's a classic - and you check an odd e-mail. She's pretty, she's smart, very little bullshit. She's an accountant, her ex-boyfriend screwed around on her. She broke up with him and now he stalks her. What is it with us guys? We get bored and push women away, and when they actually do what we were trying to make them do in the first place, we decide with furious, crystal-clear clarity to stalk their every living fucking hour.

You talk on the phone for the first time and she's actually funny. You decide to meet, only, there's a slight catch. She lives seven hours away on the damn border of Mexico. You shake your head, roll your eyes and marvel at the invention of the wonderful Internet. Suddenly this hideous planet, warts and all, is a very small place. Against your better judgment, you take the road trip - a new town, a new place, a new experience. It's a fun drive, lots of cactus, three whole trees and a woman at the gas station in pink tube top buying bags of Cheeto's for wailing kids.