Evil Second-in-Command is Surrounded

Written by Shark
Published March 19, 2004

WASHINGTON (Reutres) - As the sun rises this morning over a battered, poverty-stricken landscape, the second most dangerous man in the world is surrounded by soldiers, tanks, unmanned observation drones, artillery, and a phalanx of high-powered aircraft. After three long years of terrorizing the United States, he and a number of his closest aides have finally been tracked down.

Thanks to the cooperation of U.S. and international forces, his movements were accurately determined late last week. On Wednesday — armed with up-to-date intelligence — infantry were sent to surround his compound, leaving him and his fanatical followers with no avenues of escape. Late last night, the multi-pronged attack was postponed due to darkness, but with the coming of daylight, military sources said they expect the fight to continue, possibly with the assistance of pin-point air support from the United States Air Force.

The questions remain for American citizens — as well as government officials: Will he take his own life rather than suffer the humiliation of his old friend Saddam Hussein? Or is it better that this monster is captured alive, to face swift justice before the eyes of the world — and appropriate punishment for his crimes against humanity? At this point, one can only ponder the options and hope that some closure will be coming soon.

Over the last few days, Americans have suffered an onslaught of bad news — from Iraq to Afghanistan to Fresno, California. America needs a positive development, a glimpse of hope for the future, a sign that some of the worst criminals in history are finally being rounded up and punished for their deeds. With their inherent optimism and resiliency, Americans continue to hope and pray that for one moment in a long national nightmare — evil will falter and justice will prevail.

The words they so desperately long to hear: that a young American soldier stands over a filthy, dark spider hole saying,

"Vice President Cheney, come out with your hands up."


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Evil Second-in-Command is Surrounded
Published: March 19, 2004
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Section: Culture
Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
Writer: Shark
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#1 — March 19, 2004 @ 10:26AM — bhw [URL]

As I read the title of this post, I thought to myself, "Who? Cheney?"

And then I saw that Shark wrote it, and knew I was on the same page. Good stuff.

#2 — March 19, 2004 @ 10:33AM — Hal Pawluk [URL]

Tasty.

#3 — March 19, 2004 @ 14:52PM — Antfreeze

Apparently Allah is currently willing another large group of al Qaeda to be blown into little tiny bits in Pakistan. Oh those wacky gods.

#4 — March 19, 2004 @ 16:29PM — mike

Very funny. But I think Rove would be a better choice. He's the real mastermind of the Evil Empire.

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