If you haven't read No Rock&Roll Fun, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Great biting British humour.

Here's a sample:

A GAP BETWEEN MONEY AND SENSE THAT CAN NEVER BE BREACHED: Vicoria Beckham and her husband Dennis are to build their own ruin. If they really wanted something faked up but which looks run-down and broken-up cluttering up their gardens, why didn't they just buy some patio furniture and invite Geri round?

V: PLENTY FOR MUMS AND DADS: The consolation prize festival, V2004 has announced its line-up, which is astonishingly hit-and-miss, offering the Strokes and the Pixies alongside Jamie Callum and - oh, lord help anyone who'd sleep in a tent for this - Dido. Dido seems to have one of those magic ego-petting contracts, whereby she's told she's headlining, despite the fact that after she's finished, Muse will go on and, um, headline. It's going to be tricky for Muse: how does one tell when Dido has finished? Will there be a team of experts waiting by the stage, with experience in discerning the difference between 'barely there' and 'nothing at all'?

Other bands hoping to tempt people to Staffordshire and Chelmsford on 21st and 22nd of August include Massive Attack, Kings of Leon, Primal Scream and Pink.

Ouchies all around. Funny ouchies, though...