Blogospherics: In favor of outcasts

Written by Mac Diva
Published March 11, 2004

I am not much of a 'personal blogger.' To the extent I do any at all, it is usually giving my personal opinion on a public issue. But, I do read some personal blog entries. Occasionally, one of them will strike a chord with me. That occurred today with an entry I read at Muddy Blog. The commonality that initially drew me in to Anne's entry is introversion. Like her, I am more inner than outer directed. There are also other aspects to her entry that interest me. Among them is Anne's individualism, though she does not use that word.

Outcast

I commented on a post of Vanessa's with a vehemence that surprised me and then I realized why. It bothers me to be who I am. Oh, I wouldn't ask to be other than I am, really, but being bi-sexual to me has never been about politics or about "oh wow, yer bi too? We should hang out!" or etc. I am an introvert, I am a loner, and so the nature of who I chose to love (or who choses to love me) has very little to do with how I spend my time outside the bedroom. That's not something I'm proud of, not something I'd not dearly love to change someday, not something that doesn't quietly eat me up. It's just the truth.

God knows I am thankful for all those people who have made an impact on my life, who've been there for me when I needed them, who've loved me or who've given me love. However, I don't see those people as any part of any group besides "people who've loved me". I've never belonged to any cliques or been part of any communities. This didn't change once I discovered that I could be part of the "lesbian/bi-sexual community". In fact, it may have reinforced my introverted tendencies.

Now, far be to from me to judge an entire community, but most of those who actually have considered themselves part of the lesbian community have treated me with disdain bordering on outright hatred. Maybe I tried to too hard to be part of them when I first came out, but it was only because I was relatively young and wanted to be part of anything. I mistakenly thought coming out to certain people would instantly bond us. I was wrong. I was young and stupid, but those experiences scarred me. I was already pretty scarred, granted. However, I began to actually be envious of people who were black or white. How much easier it would be to "fit" if I could shove myself into one category.

In the end, I drove myself crazy trying to be anything but who I was. I was told, over and over that there was a "lesbian and bi community" and I tried my best to find one that would accept me. Finally, as I sat on someones couch one night listening to 16 year olds talking about how cool it was to "snog a girl" I realized I didn't belong there. It was basically a support group for lesbians. If I wanted a therapy session or a quick fuck I'd pay for one. I wanted friends. These people weren't my friends and never would be.

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Blogospherics: In favor of outcasts
Published: March 11, 2004
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Section: Sci/Tech
Filed Under: Sci/Tech: Internet
Writer: Mac Diva
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Comments

#1 — March 11, 2004 @ 10:31AM — Chris Kent

Thought provoking and excellent.

I was going to list some examples from my own youth in which friends, myself, etc...were scorned by groups. But for me, this post requires contemplation rather than comment....

#2 — March 11, 2004 @ 10:48AM — Tom Johnson [URL]

I too am an introvert, so at least on that level I can really understand your viewpoint. What I find most difficult in being introverted is not the lack of being involved, it's the lack of understanding others have about introversion. I have taken the personality tests, official and otherwise, and always rank somewhere above 80% introversion, and most recently I was actually 100% (which, I guess, must mean I am living in a hole in order to get away from everyone.) But I find in public that people think I'm either mad all the time or snooty - because I tend to not talk much in groups, and have a tendency to seem lost in space. Being as introverted as I am, it's not a big deal to me - in general. I simply tend to skip group gatherings whenever possible - not just because I dislike them, but because I just don't care about mingling, etc. But when forced into them, I find that people think there's something wrong and that's why I'm not as jovial and talkative as the rest. Really, it's just that I get overwhelmed, as if I'm absorbing too much of everything (and that's essentially what happens for introverts, which is why social interactions tend to be exhausting.) But most of all, I really hate that people think I'm missing out on things - I assure you, I am not. In fact, I think extroverts are missing out on the intricate details of life because they're too busy to notice them. It takes both kinds of people, I suppose - were it a world filled with introverts, we'd all be at home looking for interesting patterns in tile flooring (which, I am almost ashamed to admit, I do all the time.)

Nice piece, MD. It really got me thinking on a very slow Thursday . . .

#3 — March 11, 2004 @ 10:52AM — Mark Saleski [URL]

yep, the lack of understanding of what introversion is all about is truly scary.

i've seen responses to posts and/or articles about introvts...and they're just plain nasty.

ranging from: "get over it" to "it's a disease". cripes.

#4 — March 11, 2004 @ 11:49AM — Eric Olsen

Yes, very interesting. I am not fundamentally an introvert, I am happiest when performing (in the broadest sense), but that doesn't mean I don't have times of introversion, and I absolutely need a lot of time to myself. I've never been a deep joiner: I've always been in but not of all kinds of groups, and my lack of deep commitment to a specific group ethos has sometimes cast suspicion upon me: "I'll hang out with you, but I don't need you," is my general attitude toward groups. But I don't have contempt for them either. We all have to make our own way in the final analysis.

#5 — March 12, 2004 @ 04:40AM — CW Fisher [URL]

Eric, I hope you work it out. I would say you're bitroverted.

M'Diva, I relate to it all except the parts where you claim to be an introvert. An argument could be made to the exact opposite. Is it possible you are both? Or does this blow your piece to smithereens? Have you read my post today? It's about the same thing. Same exact thing, except that yours is twice as long and has comments. So what are you up to later? We should, you know, hang. ...comments?

#6 — March 12, 2004 @ 08:40AM — Shark

CW: "An argument could be made to the exact opposite. Is it possible you are both? Or does this blow your piece to smithereens?"

I'm amazed it took so long for anyone to point it out. I would have done it earlier, but I'm trying to be a nice guy.

Did you notice that along with being an introvert who can't stand to be out of the limelight, she's also an actress and a lawyer?

And I'm also amazed at the level of blather that passes for intellectual analysis:

"A question begs to be asked: Can people who are already marginalized as members of minority groups afford to be individualistic?"


This is "interesting" and "thought provoking"...? So who's your favorite philosopher, Dr. Laura?

It's another EXTROVERT'S laughable attempt to be profound, put when parsed, says exactly NOTHING using a lot of words.

#7 — March 12, 2004 @ 10:35AM — Tom Johnson [URL]

It's another EXTROVERT'S laughable attempt to be profound, put when parsed, says exactly NOTHING using a lot of words.

No, actually it's not. Introverts tend to speak very loudly and boldly in situations where they are not face-to-face with others. The online world is filled with introverts who speak out on everything, but meeting them in person you find a wholly different person. It's part of the personality. The online world isn't a social situation to me - I'm not surrounded by people and distracting things, and so I can take my time to form responses. It doesn't surprise me that MD's an introvert at all, in fact. From what I've seen, some of the most outspoken writers tend to be more introverted. Conversely, and this is not intended to be an insult - just an observation, most of the very extroverted people tend to not write so clearly, which also goes along with the personality because they'd rather be out talking to others, as they feed off of the attention. (I have several very extroverted friends upon whom I base my observation - talking to them, you will get great advice and have great conversations, but in letters and email they can barely communicate their thoughts.)

#8 — March 12, 2004 @ 11:30AM — Eric Olsen

Tom is absolutely right: the Internet changes everything. I think it must be based in the absence of physicality. Physically forceful people (size isn't necessarily a factor) become used to relying on their physical presence to convey much of their meaning and to support the expression of their personality. That is totally irrelevant and unavailable on the Internet (until we really get into the photo/video part of it) so words alone must be used to convey all of the above, so would work in favor of the introvert "blossoming" into a more forceful and expansive personality on the Internet.

Sharky, here's something to ponder: just because Mac Diva wrote doesn't mean it is wrong, insane, or pointless. That might be an interesting corner to turn, no?

#9 — March 12, 2004 @ 11:54AM — Shark

Eric, MacD consistently writes piffle disguised as profundities. I don't care who she is, she types more and says less than anybody I've ever read.

I'm not impressed with her 'analytic' abilities. It's high school level philosophical musings. When she leaves out the 'news' stories dotted with her commentaries, her 'essays' have all the intellectual meat of a slab of tofu.


I call 'em as I see 'em.

#10 — March 12, 2004 @ 12:13PM — Mac Diva [URL]

And, Psycho Shark sees them through the delusions of deep, untreated mental illness. And, jealousy. He might as well post in green.


Curt, I think the appearance of being outgoing is usually an act for me. Yes, I will chat with everyone from the grocery clerk to colleagues. But, I would rather be curled up somewhere reading a good book. And, I tend to budget sociability. If I talk to Jack and Jane at Starbucks, I will probably put on the headphones and not say a word to Mary and Matt. Not because I am angry with them or dislike them. I will just have done my quota of sociability for the day. Later, that week I will talk to them, but not have time for Jack and Jane.

I tend to chide Natalie when she makes dark pronouncements about human nature because I hate to see her become depressed. But, I believe she is right basically. People are not good. Oh, sometimes they can be led to behave better than their norm. But, overall, humans. . . please. So, my ambivalence is probably somewhat rooted in that core belief.

Also, note the writers cited as examples in the entry. I think that it may be necessary to hold people at a remove to be able to write about them realistically. It is no accident that so many writers of literary fiction are not merely introverts, but skeptics. Or that the hoi polloi often regards writers with a very wary eye. They have a suspicion we are going to let all kinds of cats out of all kinds of bags. And, they are right.

#11 — March 12, 2004 @ 12:30PM — Dawn

I think it was a bit brave of Mac to reveal anything about her inner self on this blog, where shes is constantly attacked (and sometimes attacking:)).

I found this post interesting. Thanks for sharing.

I am a lot like Eric (but much nicer)in that I am an extrovert who likes to be alone a lot, but is very outgoing in social settings.

A bitrovert right?

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