You know, people come up to me all the time and say, "Paul, TV isn't what it used to be. Why does it suck so much?" I really don't know the answer to that question, but that doesn't mean I haven't knocked a few theories around. Now, I love TV. It's been my constant companion all these long years and it goes without saying that if I were to suddenly find myself in the nightmarish world of Willy Wonka, I'd be Mike TV. I know TV. I doubt I could normally function without TV. If I could get paid to sit around and watch TV all day, that's what I would be doing. Some are called to the priesthood. I'm called to the couch.

But my friends bring up a good point. Why does modern television suck? Well, one theory closely resembles an answer to another bothersome question: Why does modern baseball suck? It's called the "Thinning of Talent" theory. Major League Baseball initiated one of the most ridiculous expansion programs in modern sport during the 1990's, resulting in a dilution of talent as new teams filled their rosters with a bunch of has-beens and never-weres. The quality of pitching and basic fielding suffered, ushering in an explosion of hits and home runs by creatine-engorged veteran hitters. The only thing preventing a total tilt toward batting dominance was an influx of equally poor hitters better suited for slow-pitch softball and aluminum bats than the big leagues. Today, Japanese players play in the States with a fair amount of success. Japan used to be the place where worn-out American players went to die, but with expansion, those American players can continue their mediocre play right here in the States. With pitching and batting being what it is nowadays, the Japanese can successfully compete with American players, which is something that couldn't have happened prior to the 90's. If it weren't for our doped-up players, the Japanese, with their technical perfection and drive to win, would probably dominate the game.

Television is in much the same fix as baseball, what with the explosion of cable channels and all. There's only so many writers and producers in the world to create and maintain television series, so the talent is spread thin across the dial. Also, many of our current programs are watered-down knockoffs of superior British television shows. We import British creative ideas, slap some American accents on the actors and pass it off as fresh and original programming. If you want to see what the networks are going to offer in the future, then watch BBC America. It's sad, but true. But given all that, I still don't buy the "thinned talent" theory, since cable television is home to some of the best shows ever produced. A few even approach movie-level quality, which I guess isn't really saying much, but that's a subject for another time. Besides, most cable tv channels are devoted to re-runs and documentaries rather than original entertainment programming, so the problem isn't with cable as much as it is with the traditional networks.