It occurred to me the other day while at the ATM. I have a competition problem. You see, everything is a game. I must win.

At the ATM, I have to get my check signed and into the envelope before anyone else comes to use the machine. I have often resorted to moving ahead of the incoming visitor and actually filling the envelope while typing in my password on the ATM.

Nowhere is the need to win worse than at home with my wife... and I'm afraid it is beginning to influence my child. Take for instance a simple game of "Ants in the Pants." The three of us played and my wife won fairly instantaneously. Not to be outdone, I aimed an ant at my daughter's milk and SPROING! I nailed it. Splashdown.

The game was on. My wife launched for my glass of Cabernet and promptly sank an ant into the wine. I responded by splunking 4 ants into her glass... left-handed!

My daughter shot an ant into the cat's butt. The cat shot an ant into the fish tank. My wife did a double shot, putting an ant into the freezer and one into the oven. I had sex with an ant right there on the table.

My daughter's therapist took away our Ants in the Pants. See all of you at the ATM.

* This odd little ramble appeared today at brianlewandowski.com where Brian rambles daily, just like he does in his new book.