ERSKINE - You took us on a journey last night, but you sold us out to the blue light special geeks. Hurry and run over to the blinking light before Trenyce sneaks in and steals something!

DIANA - You have the music in you and R. Kelly has his phone hooked up to a sweet power dialing computer. You - my young pretty - are in the top three. Diana got so excited that her mommy and daddy changed her diaper onstage! Awwwww. How cute!

KATIE - You have two people after you so you have nowhere else to go but home. Sorry Katie, but we have to dramatize the show and put the last two sitting on the bleachers through utter hell! She leaned over real quick and then - - - WOOOPS! Little did the folks at home know, but this is the real scene where Paris Hilton milked that cow! Darn that 10 minute delay!

Seacrest then takes us to a commercial break where we are suddenly reminded to always pack a bottle of chocolate milk in case we crash our bicycles. HUUUUUUUUUH?

MICHAEL and JENNIFER - Jennifer, your naughty nurse gig trumped your emotional pleas for votes. Therefore, Michael gets to move on to the top three with the judges favorites.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Are you people for real. I thought Scooter Girl and the midget were gonna make their big comeback??? Honestly people, I could have seen anyone but Matthew move on to the next round! How did he make the top three?????? I instruct all of you responsible parents to ground your daughters (and sons too - if they play with Barbies) from the phone on Tuesday nights. This sort of travesty cannot continue!!!!!!!!

Ashley? Maybe.

Marquee? Certainly.

Katie? AB-SO-FRIGGIN-lutely.

But, pretty boy? No way! Not this year anyway! After all, he was the 0.5 in this mix. The other 7 were worlds better. So, we are then left with the top three. Who will be captain of the squad???????

Without a moment's notice, Seacrest yells out that Fantasia has received 23 percent of the votes and she is moving on!!!!!!!!! She leans over and screams at the losers on the bleachers and says, "Life sure is a drag!" He he he! Fantasia then does a toe touch and slams to the floor in classic varsity fashion. And suddenly, Kelly Clarkson appeared for one millisecond. She looked at Fantasia and screamed, "I'm Still - BIG - RED!"