Fantasia Gives Us Something To Talk About
Sweet Sixteen joins Fantasia in the Top 12
By: The Raging Critic

The tension has been knotting up in my stomach all day long. Only two of these 7.5 fantastic performers will be moving on to the top 12. I have scoured the web today looking for an indication as to which idols will move on. After reading various web logs it seems apparent that we are in for a surprise twist folks! That's right! Scooter Girl is going to mow the entire competition over and demand a fresh start. She will have the little midget strapped on to the back and we can send 'em both to the finals! SURPRI-IIIIIIIIIIIISE!

So, the show gets underway and I am ready for the big news to be revealed! Seacrest leaps onto the new Faux Oprah Winfrey Show stage. A handful of fans are in the crowd. Did anyone give these people instructions for their attendance????? I mean helllooooooooo - where the heck are all of the bloody signs????

Seacrest introduces our judicial trio. Snap, Krackle, and Pop have brought us some rice crispy treats fresh from William Hung's (the Asian Ricky Martin) very own bakery! Oh wait - "BANGS" is his awkward sound of choice. Never mind that then!

Simon and Paula are all Grammy-fied. Randy swears "he is keeping it real!" Really Randy? Like stapling your innards in order to lose 500 pounds is now considered "real." Wow! Times they are a changin' folks! Well, everybody (minus Randy), it is time to tip back the fridge and indulge on the big bad results show. The answer we have all been waiting for is coming right up.......

Seacrest gives the grand intro to group one. They are all huddled together on the bleachers like cheerleaders at a game of TETHER BALL! Marque looks like he is ready to lead us all in a floor cheer. Ashley looks like she had a really bad game of patty-cake. Fantasia looks like she needs to rearrange the family jewels. Ersky looks like he is ready to throw in his sweaty towel and join the East Compton Clovers squad. Looking toward the bottom row, Diana looks like she finally hit puberty - just last night! Katie's boobies are bouncing all over the place. Like Janet Jackson is the only nasty girl in town - YEAH RIGHT! Matthew smiles as if he is in a commercial for Gleam. And last, but not least, Jennifer Hudson has wiped away her tears and is poised to send the other kiddies up the river.