CW FISHER

The Janet Jackson breast fracas has little to do with what we're saying it has to do with. Certainly it's not about the "shock" of seeing a secondary sex gland tumble out accidentally on purpose, because that kind of shock goes away in less than a week. That kind of shock is mock shock. 9/11 is shock. Shock and Awe is shock. Saddam Hussein asking for an Oreo is shock.

What is shock, to me, is NPR discussing it. If it becomes a campaign issue I'm leaving the country.

What's so shocking? It wasn't even a bare breast - it was probably just a clever rollout of the next big thing - nipple shields.

Nipple Shields, the product, not the former child star, will be destined to replace the thong, which should be done every 3,000 miles anyway.

We had fair warning. Justin Timberlake bragged the whole time on stage that he was going to have her naked before the song was over. He was nowhere close. But his smooth move with the hand was actually just a depiction of what society once called sexual assault. Why is Justin Timberlake getting Grammys while Janet Jackson is barred from the same event (in what society once called shunning)?

Why is Grammy barring anybody? And what exactly is the FCC "investigating?" Whether it was Janet's idea? I thought that was already decided. Janet, channeling Jason's hand, ripped her own bodice.

He walks off stage bragging. She says it was an accident, then makes an amateur video apology in a depressed state and I'm left wondering why these kids ever stopped listening to Mr. Jackson, Joe, the father. Here's the original weird-looking dude — his head looks like a very large shrunken head with painted-on eyebrows. But damn, if Joe ran things... and his breasts are enormous.