Episode III Exclusive! (Hoo-hah!)
Published January 18, 2004
Yes, my friends, it's true! (Well, no it isn't. But please pretend that it is.)
Through painstaking research and bribery, I have gotten a copy of the first scene to be cut from Star Wars Episode III. I repeat, this is a transcript of a scene that will NOT appear in the final film. It may be restored in the DVD, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Think of it as a chance to view the creative process that Lucas didn't want you to see, Or, if you prefer, you can think of it as the deluded ravings of a sleep-deprived writer. It's all the same to me.
Oh, and a special message to Mr. Lucas. Please, please, please don't sue me. Your cooperation is very much appreciated in this matter.
(The camera pulls in on a Star Destroyer travelling through space. In a lush conference room, the soon-to-be Emperor Palpatine addresses his faithful pupil, Anakin Skywalker, now 1/3 machine man and wearing an imposing black cape.)
PALPATINE: Well, young Skywalker, you have done very well.
ANAKIN: Thank you, my master. You are most generous.
PALPATINE: Oh, not at all. You have followed my every instruction to the letter. You have instilled fear in my subjects, you have ruthlessly destroyed in the name of the new order, and you look stunning in that black cape. You have even come up with a clever and intimidating Darth name.
ANAKIN: I'm glad you approve, my master.
PALPATINE: Vader. Very good indeed. Where did you get that? I've never been able to come up with good ones.
ANAKIN: I think Sidious is quite good, master.
PALPATINE: Oh, I don't know. I've never been quite satisfied with Sidious. And I'm glad you took the initiative and came up with your own. I was leaning toward calling you Darth Spooky or Darth Destructo or something lame like that.
ANAKIN: Actually, master, I was inspired by the name Darth Sidious.
PALPATINE: Oh? How so?
ANAKIN: Well, Master, Sidious is the word "insidious" without the "in" at the beginning, and Vader is ...
PALPATINE: Oh! It's "invader". My goodness, that's very clever of you. You know, I hadn't even noticed that "insidious" thing before.
ANAKIN: Really, my master?
- Episode III Exclusive! (Hoo-hah!)
- Published: January 18, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Video
- Writer: John Voorhees
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- John Voorhees's personal site
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I like the Simpson's episode where Comic Book Guy cries: "Chewbacca is Luke's Father?!"
I don't think I'm the only one who can't wait for Lucas to put this series to sleep. It's about 3 episodes too many.
And to think there are supposedly 3 more episodes that are ... out there (parts 7, 8, 9) that will not likely see the light of day.