Goose: So you're saying that your misconduct and the misconduct of the lead prosecutor helped convict the defendant?

Gander: Well I sure hope so! Otherwise, what was the point?

Goose: Hasn't the judge ruled that the prosecution should have turned over the evidence?

Gander: Sure, but he hasn't ruled on whether or not to overturn the conviction. Even if he does, that's just one case. Think of all the others we're trying across the nation. Those damned liberal judges can't reverse all the convictions! And just think of how many convictions will stand after our esteemed president gets finished anointing — er, I mean appointing — REAL judges, judges who know that someone wouldn't be on trial if he wasn't probably guilty.

Goose: Um, Gander, I'm starting to worry that you've forgotten a few basic tenets of our legal system. Things like the presumption of innocence and rules of evidence.

Gander: Fear not, fair Goose. You and all Americans should feel safe knowing that federal courts will use all means necessary to put law breakers in jail. And we will continue to forgo plea bargains and levy the most serious charges against each and every law breaker. Trust me, America will be safer after I'm done with it.

Goose: But what about you?

Gander: Don't change the subject.

Goose: So what you're saying is that there's one set of rules for citizens and another for law enforcement? What if you thought I'd broken a law?

Gander: Goose, you nailed it, and I'd nail *you* to the proverbial wall if I thought you'd so much as jaywalked.

Goose: Gander, thank you, I think, for the enlightening discussion. Before you go, may I ask, would you care for a dance?

Gander: No thank you, Goose. I'm exhausted already from dancing around your questions.

[end transcript]

How about that? A goose, a gander, and a minefield of turds. What a surprise.