Last night I sat down and interviewed The Golden's. I asked several questions about life as a Retriever, including the best brand of tennis balls, why sticks pile up by my backdoor, whether hay really keeps them warm in the winter, the proper path for patrolling the fence, and that darn cat. The following is a transcript of that conversation:

"Girls, thanks for sitting still long enough to let me ask some questions . . . SIT . . . SIT . . . Good girls, yes you are, yes you are. Do you want your tummy rubbed? Yes, you do, yes you do . . . Come back here, come here, come here, come here, come here, good girl. Where's your sister? Huh, where is she? (Whistling) Did she run around the side? (Vigorously scratching ears). Do you like that? Huh, do you? Do you? (Whistling again). Here comes your sister, yes she is . . . GET DOWN, GET DOWN. Sit, Sit, SIT (using foot to push down on her bottom), SIT. Seriously, if you don't sit . . . good girl. Now, let me ask you girls . . . hey, come here, come here, come here . . ."

Never mind.