How is listening to Donald Rumsfeld a lot like watching a science fiction movie? No, it's not that when you hear his voice you get that nervous, queasy feeling in your stomach like a sabre toothed monster will rip through your gut, spewing your innards all over the table.

Sure, it's a little like that. But that's not what I mean.

And it's not that when listening to Rummy your brain works overtime trying to figure out where his fantastic plot line is headed, all the while wondering how much strength your willing suspension of disbelief has left to muzzle your common sense.

Okay, it's a LOT like that.

But it's mostly like listening in on a Spock-Kirk conversation, in which they're saying one thing but mean another, and only the two of them understand what they really mean. You, the viewer, get tricked, as does the enemy. [Go head, fill the comments with abuse about my Star Trek knowledge. I await your petards!]

Now, allow me to explain. It might take a while, but hang in there; I think it's worth the read.

Yeah, What He Said

During a speech at the National Press Club in Washington September 10, 2003 Donald Rumsfeld read a statement and subsequently was interviewed by Tammy Lytle, National Press Club president. Here's a snippet from the interview:

Lytle: On March 30th you said, referring to Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, quote, "We know where they are." Do you know where they are now? And will they be found?

Rumsfeld: When you quote me, as opposed to somebody else, I do remember the context. And in that instance, we had been in the country for about 15 seconds; sometimes I overstate for emphasis.

Overstate for emphasis? What was he trying to emphasize, that he was WRONG? And isn't to overstate — for any reason — a lot like to angle, belie, cook, cook up, disguise, distort, doctor, embroider, enlarge, exaggerate, fake, falsify, fudge, garble, gloss over, heighten, magnify, misrepresent, misstate, overstate, pad, pervert, prejudice, slant, taint, twist, or warp? Those are the synonyms for "overstate" listed on thesaurus.com. The antonyms are cute, too: be truthful, denote, depict, represent, show, and untwist.

Ironically, while admitting one exaggeration, that Rumsfeld/the government/the military knew where the weapons of mass destruction were in Iraq, when in fact they only thought they knew, he spouted another one, that our military had been in the country for "about 15 seconds." That's brilliant, defending one exaggeration with another. Actually, on March 30, the military had been in Iraq for 10 days. Ten days = 15 seconds. Remember that. I'll quiz you later.

You might think I'm being nitpicky, but I'm being fair in my analysis because I never exaggerate. NEVER.