A very Barger Halloween

Written by Al Barger
Published November 01, 2003

Just a quick Halloween wrap up, and a chance to show off some pumpkins.

Thursday night [10-30-2003] a couple of our people came out to the farm for a bit of pumpkin carving and general Satanic revelry. It turned out to be all adults, which may have been just as well in this case, given the inappropriate design by one of the miscreants.

Here they are. See if you can guess which one was Al's doing.






For Halloween, I also got to play Uncle Satan with my eight year old Monkey Boy. He's a big fan of The Devil and Daniel Webster movie. He was really taken with Miser Stevens soul flitting out of Scratch's pocket. The Monkey Boy does a mean high-pitched soul-moth: "Help me, Neighbor Stone."

I explained that I was the Dark Lord and Master Satan. "Follow me! Become my willing servant."

"Yes, oh Master" he answered properly. Indeed, he got on his knees, bowing and scraping. He was literally kissing my feet. Hmmm.

Turns out it was a trick! He announced that he was really 007 come to shoot Satan in the weenie.

That is SO wrong. It's just plain rude. Halloween is Satan's holiday. You don't go around persecuting Jesus on Christmas, and you shouldn't be trying to shoot the Devil's nuts off on Halloween. Especially if they're attached to your uncle.

Unreformed hawkish Hoosier hillbilly and sometimes candidate Al Barger runs the still squeezin' down the psychodelic Kentucky moonshine at MoreThings.com, what with the paranoid religious visions and the Pentacostal music and visions of God and anarchy running amok and such. Somebody oughta call the cops to report his out of control freedom of conscience. Till they come to take him away somewhere where he can't hurt anyone else, you can check out his weekly column of NEW ALBUM RELEASES.
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A very Barger Halloween
Published: November 01, 2003
Type:
Section: Culture
Writer: Al Barger
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