...to do a woman's job.

Yesterday, I asked the BHW husband to purchase our Halloween candy. Big mistake. No self-respecting woman would have returned home with the purchase he made.

Every woman knows that Halloween candy is purchased according to the tastes of the woman of the house. That means you buy what she likes, not what you like or you think the trick-or-treaters will like.

All the candy the BHW husband purchased contained peanuts in one form or another. WTF? I like peanuts, but I don't luuuuuuuv peanuts. I'm a simple, low maintenance Hershey's chocolate kind of gal. So is it too much to ask for some plain Hershey's? I also quite enjoy caramel, nougat, and coconut. Ever heard of Milky Way? How about Mounds? Three Musketeers, anyone? I'm just asking for a little variety, that's all.

Plus, women — and particularly mothers — know that a good 50% of kids these days are deathly allergic to peanuts. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but the allergy is so common that my daughter's school created a separate kindergarten class just for peanut allergy kids. Wouldn't it be nice to know we didn't send half our block into anaphylactic shock?

Now let's talk about quantity: the husband bought a whopping total of three bags of candy. On our street, three bags are NOT NEARLY ENOUGH. Who doesn't know to err on the side of leftovers and buy far more candy than you'll need?

Funny, but I've never seen the man return from a Home Depot trip with insufficient supplies. Send him to Home Depot, and he adopts the "this could come in handy in the apocalypse" philosophy. His workshop bursts at the seams with Home Depot excesses — even his tool accessories have accessories. Anyone need a case of duct tape? But send him for candy, and he's suddenly rational, frugal, and utilitarian: "Last year we had too much."