Which leads me to one of my favorite stories:

When I was 20 I met and fell into deranged lust with a woman who was 17 years my senior. It was a beautiful relationship and I studied intently at the feet of her many personalities. The age difference was never really an issue - except to cops, waiters, co-workers, family, friends, members of the clergy and the staff of the Mariott Hotel chain. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world, though: No one has since used the words 'stalking' or 'insanity' in my presence that I wasn't able to nod my head with an air of wisdom. Or maybe it's fear.

At any rate - we were hanging out once ingesting enough Tanqueray gin to sedate a hump-back whale and listening to John, Paul, George and Ringo. I had the warm glow that drunk 20 year-olds get when sex is imminent. I was singing softly to myself (as I am prone to do) when I looked up and saw her staring at me...

'What are you singing?,' she asked.

'The song ...'

'What song?,' she asked.

'That song. The Beatles song that is playing on the CD player right now.'

'How does it go? Sing it', she said.

'Why?'

'Just do it ...', she says.

And so I did - and this is what I sang - to the tune of 'Michelle':

At which point she burst into tears and I ended up consoling a drunk who was suddenly as humorless as (I soon discovered) a woman can be when she becomes aware that she is in a relationship with someone who is younger than many pairs of her shoes.

So I didn't get laid that night - or for several nights thereafter - and I fully intend to address this with Paul McCartney if the opportunity ever presents itself.

For the record, what Paul sings in 'Michelle' (I all but had to tattoo it on my chest to get back into her good graces) is:

Which loosely translates to - I think - 'date people within a decade of your own age or don't date at all.'