Unquotable quotes
Published October 16, 2003
Quotes used to be a sort of signal to others that you were in with a particular crowd. Those of you who picked up the quotes above, and they are true classic quotes, are obviously fans of the same thing I am. They're a sort of oath of membership to a "club" who appreciates whatever particular thing is represented by the quote. It's not even that they're particularly exclusive - the two films are widely known and loved, but they represent your sense of humor and even your worldview to others. But like most things today, quotes have become watered down and simplified by the masses so that anyone can join in. Just memorize a line, any line, and use it as a bargaining chip in the next conversation you join into. The game used to be that if someone else could pick up another line from the film, you had a sort of bond with that person. Now, the quote is uttered and everyone says, "Huh?" The quoter then has to clue everyone in on the name of the film, and often on the particular scene. "Oh, yeah, that was funny," is a common response. If your quote has to not only be explained, but elicits such a dull reaction, that's not a good quote. And no, it's not that the quote in question is particularly exclusive. It's that it sucks, and so likely does the movie it came from.
(I have to point out that A Mighty Wind plays on this particularly well, as Fred Willard's character is an idiotic manager who was once a short-time TV star long ago. He is still quoting his unmemorable catch-phrase "Wha' happened" even now, to no response. I can't sum up the problem better than they can. Rent or buy the movie.)
(There's always more quotable goodness at unproductivity.)
- Unquotable quotes
- Published: October 16, 2003
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- Section: Video
- Writer: Tom Johnson
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"Have you ever seen a spleen that large?"
"No...not since breakfast"
Gabba Gabba.
"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
"John Wayne was a fag".-REPO MAN
"What's-a behind me, is not important."
What the !*#! is a frush?
She's my Rushmore.
DUDE, YOU MUST CHILL!!!!!!!
Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Learning about Cuba, having some food.
"The Dude abides." I'll take comfort in that. It's good to know he's out there -- the Dude -- takin' her easy for all us sinners.
"Bring me the machine that goes 'PING!'"
I see I unleashed a monster here with this post. Bricklayer, you never disappoint, but you've been too quiet lately. I expect at least . . . 18 . . . more quotes from you by the end of today.
Yes, this should be a big one.
Unless somebody invokes Hitler.
(That doesn't count)
"Some men are Baptists...others Catholics. My father...was an Oldsmobile man."
"It was Greggie, and Dougie, and some of the other Hitler youth."
(sorry)
"I don't like my job . . . and I don't think I'm going to go anymore."
Hey, a Revenge of Nerds Booger reference in #8: What the !*#! is a frush? Right on, that movie rocked!
HAIR PIE! HAIR PIE!
What we have here, is a failure to communicate.
I will now sell 5 copies of the Beta Band's 3 EP's.
Not funny ha ha, funny queer.
Joel, sometimes you just have to say "what the !#*!
Bueller...Bueller
"He'd better be the motherfucking Cary Grant of pigs"
"Hold the phone, Chuck, I've got an idea coming through - put mayonnaise IN the can with the tuna ... No, FEED mayonnaise to the tuna."
By the way, here's a writing issue: I usually put a hyphen between "co" and whatever, especially "worker" because when I read it, I always see "cow orker" and the image I have of someone orking a cow is not sunshine at 7:30 AM, if you know what I mean.
But it's also perfectly proper to not use the hyphen.
"A lot of people died in that damn war"
"No. No. No. Light speed is too slow... We're going to have to go right to... LUDICROUS speed"
"You can't really dust for vomit"
"They come in pints??"
"It's such a fine line between stupid and clever."
Here's a few:
"I'm not even supposed to BE here today!"
"Life IS pain, highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something"
"I'm shocked..SHOCKED...to hear there is gambling in this establishment"
"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen"
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed—but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
Oh..How could i forget?
"We have a mine shaft gap!"
"When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross."
"There's nothing more envigorating than pointing out the shortcomings of others is there?"
"Stop looking at me SWAN"
"Hey laser lips, your mother was a snow blower!"
"Who's your favorite New Kid?"
"I am steel up theerty grand from this last time I stick it in you."
"There's these people. There in my parents house. And they're eating all their food!"
I want my two dollars!
"I'd buy that for a dollar"
"Don't sell yourself short, you're a tremendous slouch."
"Conan! What is best?"
"To crush your enemies. To see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women."
"I thought if Casanova and I had nothing to say to each other he'd get bored, go away. Instead he uses it as a chance to put his testicles all over me."
"The Dukes ruined my life over a bet? For how much?"
"A dollar."
"Back off, man. I'm a scientist."
"It's twue, it's twue!"
"There ain't no Santy Claus!"
re: #47
"He puts his testicles all over you?"
"Yes, testicles, like an octopoos"
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"Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."