As we drove over the Pali, heading back to the windward side of Oahu [and home], the radio was blasting Toni Basil's "Mickey". Mel and I were screaming singing at the tops of our lungs, "OH MICKEY, YOU'RE SO FINE. YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU BLOW MY MIND. HEY MICKEY - HEY MICKEY!"...

Meanwhile, with the windows open, the wind blowing our hair, we felt good and life was wonderful. Then just as I went to inhale an extra large breath of air so I could belt out another round of "Mickey", the roach clip hanging feathered rearview mirror decoration ended up going VOOMP! down my throat.

So, "OH MICKEY, YOU'RE SO FINE. YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND!" ended up sounding like, "OH MICKEY, YOU'RE SO FINE. UCKGAAAAAACK!" and we swerved back and forth across the road as I struggled to dislodge the damn thing.

By the time the two of us arrived home for Mel's wedding shower, we were two hours late. My mother glared at me as we stumbled in. Melanie's eyes were glassy as she exclaimed, "HEY!! What the hell is going on here?", with a big, dumb smile on her face.

"She's DRUNK?!" My mother hissed at me. "Yes.... it was the only way to get her out of the house." I attempted to explain. Let's just say I stayed away from mom the rest of the day.

Mel had a grand time. She ate with her fingers [chop suey — the rest of us used utensils], she opened her gifts with her teeth and she passed out on the couch afterward.

Before she passed out, though, her friends, mom and I did the time-honored tradition of dressing her in the wrappings left over from her shower gifts. You know, how you take the wrapping paper and make a wedding dress, then take the ribbons and bows and make a boquet?

Here's the result:

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Heh.