I murdered my stereotype...
Published August 17, 2003
When the Black guy coming down the street with his pants sagging and his gold teeth shimmering, do you feel the need to lock your car door? When the white guy tells the nigger joke about not being able to say nigger, as a Black person do you get offended? When you see a Mexican, have you ever seen just 'a' Mexican? Does every short person with squinted eyes have to be Chinese or Japanese (is that the only Asian experience)? Are all female basketball players really lesbians? If a man doesn't like sports does that mean he's gay? Do you get uncomfortable when you are approached by a large group of the opposite (Opposite - as if there were only two) race? Do all New Yorkers have such a bad attitude? Do all Southerners have nothing better to do than populate? What really is Poor White Trash? Have you ever thought interracial dating as the ultimate evil?
I was in Wally World (Wal-Mart) one Mississippi hot night and saw an interracial couple standing in line ahead of me. They had a baby with them that seemed to be no older than maybe 6 months, I couldn’t help but stare at the child, it was gorgeous. It was wearing neutral colors and no bows or gender specific clothing, hence the reference as ‘it’. After what I believe was a minute or so, the father (who was black) gave the mother (who was white) an exasperated nudge and pointed at me. I could only laugh and turn away. For a second the father looked as though he wanted to approach me but decided against it after the mother dissuaded him. I wish she had let him come. I’m sure as an interracial couple in the south they are used to the stares and the grimaces, but for him to be agitated shows his insecurity at his situation. But everyone isn’t out to get them. I could careless about the two of them I was admiring the child.
The experience brought to my attention the issue of stereotypes and how they affect us. As independent as we would like to assume ourselves, are we really? Every action has a reaction even if we are not present to witness it. How many times had they been stared at or ridiculed for being with one another? And every new stare conceived a new resentment that leads to a final straw. Was my stare the final straw or did I just make it worse for the next person who gives them a cross eyed look? Guess I’ll never know, but why must they be in that position in the first place?.
- I murdered my stereotype...
- Published: August 17, 2003
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- Section: Culture
- Writer: Dew
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Yes, but next time Dew, don't look way - tell them their child is adorable.
It works, for both of you, as the truth mostly does.
Actually, the worst stereotype I've encountered as a person of color is that I'm not supposed to be smart -- especially smarter than most white people. The blogosphere is one of the places I've encountered it. One of the oddest episodes involved a gay white male blogger in Philadelphia flying into a hissy fit and calling me, the uppity you know what, the "village idiot." It was like he was trying to fulfill the worst stereotype of homosexuals as hysterical and mean-spirited. And, his racism was obvious. He was too blind to himself to even see what he was doing. Talkin' about stupid.
And, no, I'm not gonna stop being smart. I've been officially 'gifted' for thirty-some years and I like it that way. White folks who are discomfited by it can go to to hell.
Anyone discomfited by it can go to hell, if you ask me.
The one that gets me, when I speak to people face-to-face is, "You speak so well!" (Always said with surprise, and this occurs quite a lot, to my chagrin.) Or if they get to meet me in person after speaking with me on the telephone or after reading something I have had published, they are dumbstruck when they see my brown skin.
Sorry to burst these stupid people's bubbles (not!), but I am articulate, literate, and quite proficient in using the King's English properly (and likely better than many of these stunned humans who, naturally, would never consider themselves to be bigots). They will just have to deal with it, I suppose. But I reserve the right to utilize my skills in reducing them to figurative powder. I won't stand quietly for that sort of rot.
Perhaps Miss Natalie will do the Christian service of going on a missionary tour for her gay church where she comes down here to teach us Kentuckians hows to talk gooder.
Thanks very much Dew - I think the best any of us can do to fight stereotyping is to be the best we can be for ourselves, never constrain our range of interests, never ever dumb ourselves down, never be ashamed to be who we are when we are most happy. I thank you for being yourselves here, whoever you are.
I agree Corinna, I should have just told them and I was wrong for allowing him to continue to be defensive for no reason. I now make it a point to be more pro-active.
Mac Diva, It has been countless times when I have used words with more than two syllables and I hear the whispers about how I am showing off, when all I am trying to do is relay a complete thought. Although it took 20 years to come to this conclusion, I finally reached it: Screw'em! I now understand its a compliment when people become upset with you for carrying your self with a level of intellect.
Natalie, I agree: just ignore Al! (lol) I also agree that boxes should be kept to themselves. I can appreciate your point of view, but dont try to force me to share your beliefs. I am more than happy to present my side of the story and if we can not find common ground, we can always agree, simply to disagree. It's okay to have difference of opinion.
Thanks for the comments!
"Agree to Disagree" is my middle name. I have gotten to the point where insults and belittlement are unacceptable. I will deal with people civilly, but allowing things that upset me to slide by is no longer an option. I am too old and have put up with far too much.
Miss Natalie, our souls need saving and our grammar needs improving. Us crackers is among the most wicked, sinful oppressors ever. Come on, love thy neighbor. We're crying out for help.
If'n you like, we could pitch a big tent and call a revival at the Barger farm. I would be pleased to have you preaching in my yard.
Hey, Al Barger, how nice of you to come forward with a personal attack. All we need in America is yet another sheep who thinks the government should protect him from all the scary people with different skin colors or belief systems.
I was not going to comment further, but I am a masochist, apparently:
Mr. Barger, not once did I indicate that presumptuous and insulting comments come from any particular societal categorization of people. Bigotry comes in all hues.
As for my ministry, I do quite a bit of work devoted to helping poor people, not by preaching, but by providing food and skills training in a Christian setting. (I follow the truism of showing Christianity by showing love.)
As for crackers, I define them as Merrian-Webster does: "thin crisp wafer[s] made of flour and water with or without leavening and shortening; unsweetened or semisweet."
Since you insist upon referring to yourself thusly, I will have to assume that you are of the unsweetened variety.
Dew,
After my latest gaff for which I feel truly bad about being perceived as anti-Semitic, I thought that was a really great piece to read. It made me kind of tear up for a variety of reasons and honestly, honesty in how we feel about ourselves and others coupled with an open-mind can make a world of difference in being "who you are" and becoming something better altogether.
Thanks!!!
And Al, will you just be nice already?
'honesty in how we feel about ourselves and others coupled with an open-mind can make a world of difference in being "who you are" and becoming something better altogether.'
could not have said it better...
Here's to all of us "becoming something better."
Damn it, I've commited another hate crime!
People need to lighten up. How did you get something mean or not nice from my comments?
"honesty in how we feel about ourselves and others coupled with an open-mind" Yeah, right- as long as that "honesty" is of the most pure-bred and self-censoring PC variety. If you can't accept a tiny bit of gentle and affectionate ribbing from me without getting all bent out of shape, then you're certainly not looking for honesty.
Friends poke and prod one another on the playground. That's normal. If you want to join in our reindeer games, then you need to accept that. If you think this little tent revival riff was somehow mean, then you'd lose your mind to hear how my close partners talk to one another just by way of being friendly. Didn't you ever watch South Park?
Where did this Debbie chick get that I was making a "personal attack" or asking for the government to "protect" me from Natalie? I publicly invited her to my home, and to use my home as a staging area for her religious beliefs. How exactly do you manage to get hostility out of this?
Miss Natalie, I'd be most pleased to host you down on the farm. I don't know about really having a tent revival, but I'd be happy to go to as many local churches with you as you like, of whatever denomination. You might would have your hands full, however, just trying to save MY soul.
"Cracker" does not have any negative connotations with me. Feel free to use the term if you like. Now if someone is obviously piling on other words to make an unmistakably hostile statement, I might tell them to get bent- but that's something else entirely. It's not obvious to me why "cracker" would even be considered insulting.
I can understand how black folk, for example, might find it difficult to be that magnanimous with accepting some corollary terms with good humor; there's different history involved. Still, you'll be happier and blend in more if you don't choose to take grave insult from every comment that could even conceivably be interpreted in a negative manner.
Now Al, you know that people can take things out of context from time to time. Let's not get bent out of shape. I am sure most of us know you are a nice Hoosier and want to give us all a big old smooch.
Am I right? You can plant it right *here*.
I will say I thought Al was trying to be friendly in his jolly ribbing manner, and please recall, crackers are stereotyped as stupid and inarticulate every bit as much as people of color - more so amongst the "sophisticated."
I don't know about all your big city words like "sophisticated" and "inarticulate," but I'm sure that a visit from a brown lesbian evangelist would make life in Franklin county more interesting. Come on in. The water's fine!
Miss Natalie, you probably wouldn't quite 100% "blend in" out here- that's kind of the joke, see. Let our freak flags fly side by side, though, I say. Farmers, lock up your goats!
We could go out and sing Elvis Costello songs together. I'm seeing you and me at the local Pentecostal church singing "Peace, Love and Understanding."
Perhaps when you come we can have a missionary freak pride parade in Brookville. I'm seeing a really decadent version of the Salvation Army band from Guys and Dolls. We can conjure up a few loose goths and assorted freaks. The old man's gun trading buddies can ride shotgun.
This would certainly be the social event of the season.
You and me incognito roaming loose in the countryside, reaching out to the freak community- I just don't see how any boats possibly get rocked that way...
Smashing stereotypes is all about standing up and rocking the boat.
(Get it? Guys and Dolls? "And the people all said siddown / Siddown, you're rocking the boat...")
Al: Shut up!
(Actually, the guy is okay when he sticks to writing humor or about entertainment. But if insensitivity were a crime, he would be behind bars.)
Dew, what is your blog? I want to read it and possibly add it to my blogroll.
Natalie and Brian, you've been added. (Meant to do it sooner, but Blogrolling.com has been locking me out lately. Has to do with having two blogs. Sometimes it will not recognize either.)
I do have Right Wingers on my blogroll, too. I may add Al if he goes without insulting me for a week. (But, can he?)
Miss Diva- How exactly am I being insensitive? I've been trying to reach out and spread a little sunshine here.
How am I insulting you here in particular? I don't remember ever personally insulting you.
Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I think I'm gonna eat a worm.
Thanx Mac Diva, I'm the new kid on the block still learning here, but my blog is: multimedea.blogspot.com
"Multimedea" - clever, D
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A breath of fresh air. Thank you for writing this.
To the world at large: Keep your fucking boxes to yourself!
Love & Peace,
Heinz 57 Muttley