I'm not even gonna mention the J-lo story. (oops, too late) except to say: media, ahem, um, get a fukn life already. Ben ain't even married yet, they're gonna be history in a year and a half anyway, get over it puhleeze. Merci. (page 60)

Ok so let me get this straight, one of saddam hussein's daughters was married to a guy named Hussein Kamel Hassan (who ran Iraq's weapon's program) and the other one was married to Saddam Kamel Hassan (head of the secret police). Um, was this just a coincidence, or did they change their names to form a duo that equaled "Saddam Hussein" or did Saddam just search all over the country for two guys with the same middle & last name that happened to each have one part of his name? Is this something that everyone else besides me understands? And if they changed their names, why? I mean, ok, years of power and influence, but you gotta know you're gonna fuck up eventually and get mowed down by some uzis, buried in an unmarked grave, and mentioned in people magazine years later while your ex-wives say what a great guy their dad (the guy that ordered your death) was. (page 69)

I'm over it. fuck people magazine.

Um, I mean, people magazine is a fantastic publication! (seriously though, you know you love it, even up to the moment you toss it in the garbage bin in disgust, as you quietly ponder to yourself what will be in the next gossip packed issue - it's like the national enquirer you don't have to feel guilty about) And you should buy all the other items listed below as well. on orders from Grandma Moses. disobey and sever paddling shall be administered.