Friday 12:45am:
TW: Honey, can you help me get this golf cart unstuck?
TFG: Sure.
[we walk over to cart; I get in front to push it off the ridge it's hung on; she jumps in and stabs it]
TFG: Reverse, reverse! Stop! Ow! Crazy @#$&in'...OWWWW!!!
I would call it an accident if she hadn't swung a hard-right 180 and hit me again coming back down the hill. Then she drove off without a word, and hid the golf cart in a grove of trees. One knee is mangled, and the other one just hurts. In her defense, she was a bit tipsy, having finished off a half-gallon of te-kill-ya and about 400 of those little airline wines. And she was severely apologetic the next morning as I moaned and groaned about the house and woke her up to a tremendous hangover. [ed. note - some parts of this narrative may be enhanced, but ed. has one sore-ass knee, that's for sure]

Random Thoughts:

• Best New To TFG Band: Cosmic Dust Devils — first I'd heard 'em, and I like 'em a lot. I wanna go see them play next time they're up this way.
  
• Best Lack of Change: Frank was almost adopted by three different women until their husbands put their foot down. I've taken to calling him our spare dog — around in case one of the other ones break down.
  
• Most Energetic Band: no contest — Thrift Store Cowboys. Plus, they say their new CD is gonna be out at the end of the month. Plus, they dedicated Lights of the Prison to me and Cindy — a song about how pretty the city looks from the prison. These guys still give me goosebumps when I think about the talent they've got.
  
• Best New Band Lineup: Jay Johnson's young guns have gelled, and they're really tight. Go see them.
  
• Best New Food Item: corny dogs — man, those things are great. Since I never go to the State Fair any more, I never get to eat 'em, so I'd forgotten how good they are hot out of the grease.
  
• Best Hayseed Moment: when someone threw a tarp in their truck bed, filled it with water, then hung up a pre-printed banner over it that said Redneck Jacuzzi. And people got in it. And stayed in it. A pre-printed banner!
  

Scoreboard:

• Beers drank - 58
  
• Belts of brown liquor - 7
  
• Belts of clear liquor - 3 (2 of moonshine)
  
• Belts of Texas Tea (a concoction that sneaks up on you) - 2 :-(
  
• Smirnoff Ices drank - 1 (nasty, nasty stuff, that)
  
• Packs of Marlboro Mediums - 20½
  
• Pots of coffee - 6
  
• Chopped beef sammiches - 2½
  
• Corny dogs - 3½ (Frank just walked up and chomped off half of one while I was holding it)
  
• Breakfast burritos - 5
  
• Hours of sleep - 24 (that was as of Sunday night, whereafter I clocked a solid ten hours)