THE LAMENESS OF THE LEAGUE: Recently, I read an interview with Sean Connery, in which he stated that he had passed on Lord of the Rings and twice on The Matrix because he didn't understand the scripts. So, considering the wild successes of those films, he chose to star in The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, which he also did not understand. Well, there is only one word to describe his new effort, and that word is "lame." The film's director has perpetrated something akin to Tomb Raider and The Phantom. (Alright, to be totally honest, I haven't seen that 1996 film starring Billy Zane, but we all know, even without having to suffer through it, that is really, really lame, right?)

Of course, you're thinking to yourself, "what were you expecting?" Well, the source material, the graphic novel by Alan Moore, was enough to give the project the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, The League is unredeemable and without social or artistic merit. It is in all respects laughable, and I'm surprised that the cast was able to keep a straight face long enough to finish a take. (Well, I suppose they kept stoic by considering the effect this film might have on their careers.) I mean, its just downright silly. I mean, Captain Nemo looks like he is wearing pajamas. The real fun is in counting the film's many, many cliches, from the father-son relationship developing between Connery's Allan Quatermain and Shane West's young Tom Sawyer, the token betrayal by a major character, or the ostentatious preservation of grounds for a sequel. Ugh. Peta Wilson's Mina Harker and Stuart Townsend's Dorian Gray are the only really interesting characters, and little is made of them until the film's climax, which is really an anti-climax anyway. From here on out, make mine The League of Melbotis.