This ploy, however, apparently worked, because the police pointed to a nearby house and suggested we go over and ask to use their phone and call someone for a ride. They then left us there on the hood of our locked car with the barf puddles surrounding it.

My girlfriend stumbled off toward the house belonging to an unsuspecting family. She planned to ask to use their phone. I followed. She banged on the front door. A small, older Japanese gentleman opened the door. He didn't speak a lick of English. My girlfriend was yelling slowly at the man, "WE...NEED...TO...USE...PHONE". She made a "Y" with her hand and placed it along the side of her head — sort of like a phone. He looked at her as if she were an idiot... she was.

Having lived in Japan for several years prior to my moving to Hawaii (where almost everyone was Japanese anyway), I knew the word for telephone in Japanese was "denwa". So, I shoved my moron girlfriend out of the way, smiled and slightly bowed. I then said, "denwa"? The Japanese gentleman smiled and motioned for us to come in. He then led us down a hallway to a large family room, where his family was watching a movie.

The movie was the 1978 hit, "Superman". My girlfriend exclaimed, "I've been wanting to see this again!" and plopped her butt down next to the kids on the couch and excitedly began watching the movie with them. This poor Japanese family was trying to be so polite while this drunken little jerk was taking over their family room.

I was shown the phone and began dialing my girlfriend's home. Her ex at that time was still living there (with us). She hated me. She answered the phone. I'll call her D. "What the hell do you want?", D asked. I explained what was going on. D asked what I expected her to do about it. I then explained that I knew she had a spare of the key for the car... however, I also explained that the police suggested that someone come and pick us up.

Having to admit that we were both stupid and drunk to my then girlfriend's ex was quite humiliating. Meanwhile, my idiot girlfriend sat there watching a movie with perfect strangers, seeing nothing wrong with it or the fact that I was having to deal with her angry ex.