Is that your car alarm...or did you just run over a Diva?
Published May 30, 2003
I have a question about Divas.
Why do they have to sing so bloody LOUD? Do they not understand that the combination of microphone, amplifier, and loudspeakers was invented specifically to relieve them of the need to shriek?
Seriously. They seem to have two volumes: bloody LOUD and EAR-SPLITTING.
This excessive volume appears to be one part of a two-fold strategy to convey emotion. The second tactic is to waver one's voice randomly, across a full octave, on every syllable. Anonymous sources report that Mariah Carey has taken to wearing a truss in the recording studio while a poorly paid intern follows her around cinching it ever tighter to achieve the desired effect sound.
The longtime queen of the divas is Whitney Houston, who has recently been reduced to making a celebrity guest appearance on a Very Special Episode of the abysmal Boston Public. The woman can generate sounds unheard on this planet since the heyday of Vlad the Impaler.
Perhaps it's to be expected. Volume is king everywhere you look. Video game players have found that slaughtering assorted mutant Nazi monsters with phased particle beams is just a lot more realistic with an 800-watt powered sub-woofer. Lord knows, on cable news political talk shows, the winner of the compelling, thoughtful and substantive policy debate is invariably the one who shouts everyone else down.
There is some hope. Norah Jones pretty much swept the Grammys in the Pop categories this year, and Diana Krall, whose soft rendition of "Maybe You'll Be There" from The Look of Love contains more emotion than every song by every performer on every VH1 Diva special ever made, won in Jazz.
But like the parent who has successfully distracted a screaming child with a new toy, you know it's not going to last. Promos for the next VH1 Divas special will swamp the air waves, they will appear in ever sleazier costumes on the cover of sycophantic print publications, and we'll be treated to Celebrity Survivor: Divas in the Wild, which will be indistinguishable from an Animal Planet show about Howler monkeys.
A popular sentiment is: if it's too loud, you're too old. Sorry, that doesn't wash. I may be old, but I'M NOT DEAF. Take it down a thousand, ladies; our ears will be grateful.
- Is that your car alarm...or did you just run over a Diva?
- Published: May 30, 2003
- Type:
- Section: Music
- Filed Under: Music: Pop, Music: Popular and Standards
- Writer: David Mazzotta
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Comments on this articleComments
it's called "herniated overemoting"....i wish i had made that up, but i read it somewhere (in reference to michael bolton).
which reminds me, anybody remember the old In Living Colour/Jim Carrey sketch where he plays Michael Bolton?...and his head explodes? heh....
Hahaha YES!! That was a hilarious In Living color sketch.
Dude, nice post. I laughed hard. People came to my cubicle to investigate.
Rock on.
That's the thing with today's "singers" - they make up for emotive ability with volume, which is analogous to the popularity of very flashy, but useless items (gold emblems on your Toyota, anyone?) Not to mention the use of software both in the studio and live to correct an out-of-tune singer. It's really sad, because there are countless numbers of people who can't understand what actual talent is - someone who possesses actual musical ability and can truly sing as opposed to someone who simply sings. But that's what people treasure these days - not necessarily someone who "wows" them with their prowess but someone who makes them feel like they too could do it. It's the "everymanization" of, well, everything.
I am sooooo with you on this one. The state of music today is like a nightmare that you cant wake up from. Trash gets promoted and good singing just doesnt grab the youth anymore. Because of the poor quality of music being produced I have found a monstrous amount of songs from the past that have kept me more than happy. Try RELAX TRAX or HOUSE or JAZZ on SPINNER.COM. It reminds me of whats really out there beyond the RIAA music cartel.
I enjoy a good "belt" if the singer knows where to place it and doesn't overuse it.
It seems to me that a lot of second rate singers have to crank up the volume when the softer note they're trying to maintain starts to get a little ragged.
What really drives me crazy is apparent inability of contemporary singers to leave the original melody line ALONE. The swoop and wooble all over the place, uh, making the song "their own", I guess. I think, like cranking up the volume, it is often used to cover the inability to keep in tune for more than a couple of seconds.
Sometimes this get so out of control that the original song is almost recognizable.
Which brings to mind more than one good Simpsons show where the National Anthem was mangled to death by a singer who put their own "spin" on it. Sad thing is, take the microphone away from Whitney or her ilk and there's nothing.
Which brings to mind more than one good Simpsons show where the National Anthem was mangled to death by a singer who put their own "spin" on it. Sad thing is, take the microphone away from Whitney or her ilk and there's nothing.
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Nice one David, thanks and welcome. I totally agree that when it comes to non-rock singing, quiter is almost always better. I like Whitney much better than Mariah, though - there seems to ba a lot more there, at least when she's singing.