THE COMPREHENSIVE MEDLEY

It would not be an AI2 results show without a medley! In a moment like this notice, we get the big number! The Urban Osmonds have appeared before our very eyes! The finalists (minus Josh and Corey) are lined up like they are auditioning for a Gap (tm) swing commercial! They are all in denim shirts and khakis. Rickey Smith starts it off as he signs †let this groove shake up your boobs it's alright.† He is not singing as high pitched tonight! Wheew!

Trenyce has cut off her house arrest ankle bracelet so she can cross the county line and make it to the new big venue. She starts us off with a little †baby love† and Ruben winds us down until we are raining †tears of a clown.†

K-Lo says †there ain't nuthin' like the real thing baby† and makes us all wonder what the hell we were thinking when we voted her off the show! Obviously, America was sucked into the Ruben v. Clay hype! Even Gladys Knight was dancing and smiling! After all, she said that girl can SANG! She sure can Gladys! Too bad America did not know how to vote!

Charles Grigsby has jumped out of a Flintstones (tm) vitamins bottle. It looks like little Bam-Bam has brought an Oreo cookie with him (Ruben, Clay, and Rickey). It is a damn shame that lawyer did not get the court order that would have prevented the cookie from being distributed, because this one left a sour taste in my mouth! NO RUBEN - YOU CANNOT HAVE THE COOKIE!

The Yodeling Loon grazes onto the stage to sing the Olivia Newton-John hit, "Physical." Carmen has brought Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dee-licious with her as back ups! Julia sounds good tonight as she is sporting her miracle-bra! She has brought the Osmond family teeth to the show! She must have had a laryngeal specialist visit her while she was cooped up in the psych ward! I am half-way impressed. Kim C. sounded decent but - HEY - she sure looks fab!

Charles and Vanessa return to give us a little ditty and †that's when the music takes me.† I suspect the entire nation is wondering, "how the heck did Vanessa get voted out of the mansion first?" She sounded wonderful. She certainly sounded better than Julia and Carmen ever dreamed of. I wanted to throw a summer sausage onstage and yell to Vanessa, "here's your precious little piggy." PETA would have me assassinated for sure!

†HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAY!† The entire troupe is waving left and right. They look like a camp full of mongoloids posing for the Jerry Lewis Telethon promotional poster! Clay leaps out of the choir and brings it down and sings Lionel Richie's †Hello.† I yell right back into my television set, "HELLO TO YOU TOO! NOW QUIT WAVING AT ME AND START TAKING THOSE CALLS."