From the "Is a Holiday REALLY Needed for THIS?!?" department...

In a stroke of genius, May has been declared 'Masturbation Month' by a whole handful of apparently sexually frustrated folks.

Well, whack myself with a big stick and paint me horny!

Yes, in case you were wondering, I *am* going to work in as many self-love sexual innuendos as humanly possible.

Why? For much the same reason people masturbate in the first place.

Because I can.

On May 3rd, more than 100 men and women gathered in San Francisco for what organizers said was the city's second annual public "Masturbate-a-Thon." The event was a fund-raiser for the local Center for Sex and Culture, a non-profit organization that provides sex education. Close to $1200 was raised. So to speak.

While that particular event is pretty much spent, don't worry - there's plenty more where that came from.

On Sunday, May 18th - because Sundays aren't just for resting anymore - the Oakland CA-based business Toys in Babeland will be sponsoring an event to raise funds for the Audre Lorde Project and the People of Color Against AIDS Network, two projects supporting HIV prevention, safe sex outreach and sex positive health care.

Yes, most of these events are for a good cause. Beyond that of self-gratification, I mean.

As with some of these Masturbate-A-Thons, participants need sponsors in order to raise funds.

Some items to note, to make sure one pulls this thing off successfully because - as we all well know - if you don't it'll only led to disappointment and, eventually, self-hatred...

"* Get your friends to sign the sponsorship form and sponsor you for every minute you masturbate on May 18th.

* On Sunday, May 18 treat yourself to a day of self-love. How you do it is up to you - it's all on the honors system. Take note of how much time you spent masturbating and write it down on this form.

* Tally up how much your friends owe you based on your pledges and collect the donations."

Obviously, before collecting those donations, wash your hands thoroughly. Please.

The nifty sponsorship form has columns for "Name of Sponsor" (it doesn't say if using the name "Anonymous" is acceptable, for those who're a little nervous about having their ACTUAL real name recorded), "Dollars Per Minutes Pledged", and "Number of Minutes", so as to avoid any sticky situations later.